Audio Interview, Jo Meleca-Voigt, August 17, 2013

EVELYN BAILEY: I'm going to begin

by saying this is August 17, and I'm sitting here

in Christine and Jo Melecca's home

to interview Jo about her activism,

but also to get some background and some history about her.

So were you born in Rochester?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: I was.

I grew up in Irondequoit.

EVELYN BAILEY: And did you go to Irondequoit schools?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: I graduated from Eastridge,

and then I did my undergraduate work at St. John Fisher.

EVELYN BAILEY: And when you were growing up,

was homosexuality a topic?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: It was, but not in a positive way.

I grew up pretty sheltered when it came to that.

My family is of Italian-- well, I'm

a first generation American.

Both my parents were born in Italy.

They're both very loyal Italian Catholics,

and it just wasn't something we discussed.

And I knew, from a very young age,

that I was attracted to girls at that time, and now women.

And so at that point, I didn't know what it was.

I had didn't know a name for it, because I just thought

it was something crazy in me.

And so I didn't really have any exposure to the word

or the culture-- the existence of other gay people.

When I was in my teens--

it was during the time of the Topless Seven that would go

to the armory and take their shirts off to fight the New

York law that men could go topless, but women couldn't.

And I recall watching a news story about it

and somebody saying something derogatory

along the lines of, look at all those lesbians--

something to that term.

And I knew enough about lesbian to know that it meant women

who were attracted to women.

And I remember thinking to myself--

because I was a teenager at the time,

and the women were in their thirties and forties,

which was not attractive to me at the time.

And I remember looking at that and saying, oh, my God.

That is not what I am, because I didn't identify with that.

So I fought it, but I didn't really

have any idea what it meant.

EVELYN BAILEY: Culturally-- because I'm Italian, also.

It was never mentioned in our family.

It wasn't until I got older, I had the experience as you.

I didn't have the vocabulary--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Exactly.

EVELYN BAILEY: --to name it or identify it.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: And as soon as I had the vocabulary, as soon

as I met other people in the situation

and I met other gay people, I came out almost immediately.

I mean, it really was a matter of--

and that's why I believe so strongly that education,

as an educator-- that if we allow younger generations

to at least know about it, we help

them to be able to go on their own journey

so that they can discover.

Because I probably would have identified differently.

Well, I know I would've.

I mean, my route with it was to join

fundamentalist Christian churches

and try to pray it out of myself and to be very

anti-gay and very homophobic.

And I was fascinated by knowing about other gay people.

But I also, on the outside, was very vocally

against gay people.

And it was a very difficult journey

for myself to try to balance what I was feeling

and what I was experiencing with what I was saying

and what I was being taught to believe.

EVELYN BAILEY: Outside your family--

in a school environment, when you were growing up--

was there any talk about being gay, or was it a guy thing?

Was it--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: It was very interesting, because I think,

as a result of my being so vocal about my Christianity--

and when I say Christianity, I mean very fundamentalist,

born again Christianity--

and I was so vocal about it that I think the people

in school hesitated to talk to me about anything like that,

because they thought they would be judged by me.

Which they would've been, honestly.

Now, in the age of Facebook and reconnecting

with a lot of people from high school,

I went to school with a lot of gay kids.

And a few of them who were out in high school, but I

didn't know.

And I think a lot of that was people

feared how I would react.

EVELYN BAILEY: And what years are we talking about?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: The mid to late '80s.

At the time, Eastridge was seven through twelve.

so I was there from '83 to '89.

EVELYN BAILEY: So this was well after Stonewall

and well after--

there was no diagnosis in the DSM III

as to homosexuality being a personality disorder

and therefore, quote, unquote "treatable."

JO MELECA-VOIGT: And I was born after Stonewall.

I was born a few years after.

And I never knew what Stonewall was until I was in my twenties.

I came out when I was at graduate school at Ohio State

University.

And again, I always loved that phrase-- one

of my favorite sayings is, coming out is not an event.

It's a process.

So the beginning of my process of being vocally out

was in graduate school at Ohio State.

And the gay center was called Stonewall, Columbus.

Well, it's still called that.

And I remember having some publication from them,

and I asked them, and I go, what does this mean--

Stonewall, Columbus?

And they looked at me like I was insane.

And I said, I have no-- and they go, you know,

it's the Stonewall-- and they gave me

this big history about it.

And I was fascinated, because I had no idea.

I had no idea that Stonewall had even happened or existed,

because I was so sheltered from it that I

didn't know that there was any kind of gay movement.

When I moved back to Rochester in the mid-'90s after going

to graduate school, spending some time in California,

I moved back to Rochester in the '90s and I remember--

and I was in San Francisco prior to that.

And I remember thinking to myself,

when I knew I was going to move back, my social life is over.

There are no gay people in Rochester.

There's no gay community.

It's over.

I have to go back to being in the closet.

And I came back here immediately plugged in

to the LGBT community, and was thrilled at our history

and just what an amazing place we really were.

I had no idea.

I had no idea.

EVELYN BAILEY: Now, when you were out of Rochester,

were there situations that you heard of or experienced

in which you were harassed or pointed at?

And said, she's a lesbian, and felt negated?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Oddly, that only

happened to me in Rochester.

I've been very, very fortunate that hasn't

happened to me often.

But I can think of two incidences

when I was a teenager growing up.

And being involved in the Christian church--

born again Christian church--

a few people confronted me about it, wondering if I was gay--

in a very negative way.

It wasn't supportive.

It wasn't, hey, if you are, let's talk about it.

It was, you better not be.

But the other was in Rochester shortly

before SONDA was passed.

I was a teacher--

as I am now-- in a public school district right outside

of Monroe county.

And I was the best thing since sliced bread

when I started there.

And then the director of the department chair

found out I was gay, and suddenly I

couldn't do anything right.

And I was being written up, and I was being harassed,

and I was put in a situation where I just could not please,

and eventually I left.

But I left with the sense that if I hadn't left,

I would have been gone anyway.

And so--

EVELYN BAILEY: Had you gained tenure?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: No, it was only my first year there,

so I had no protection.

And there was no SONDA.

And your first year, it's pretty much--

we don't really have to give a lot of reason.

And again, I left.

But at the same time, it was very damaging to me.

And I spent many years going to different--

I went to different school districts--

and trying to figure out, what do I do about this?

Am I open about it?

Am I closeted about it?

How do I do this?

And it was very damaging.

It was just very personally damaging,

and it was damaging to my profession in the way

that I couldn't be myself and teach the way that those kids

needed me to teach.

And so it was really the beginning of a journey

to get to the point where now, I am very open about it

and public about it.

And I think it's been a positive effect on the students

that I teach, because I'm just Miss Melecca,

and I happen to be gay.

And I think that's very empowering to a lot of them.

EVELYN BAILEY: Right.

When did you go to Greece?

When did you start teaching--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: This is my 12th year, so 2001.

EVELYN BAILEY: Did you choose that--

well, let me ask you this.

When you came to Greece, was it your choice?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yes.

I was in another district after that.

I was in Hilton for two years, and I left

Hilton because of budget cuts.

I mean, it was strictly-- they were

going to cut me to part time.

And they didn't offer Italian, and I

was teaching strictly Spanish, and I wanted to teach Italian.

So it was absolutely a choice to go to Greece.

Hilton was wonderful.

My colleagues in Hilton who--

my wife still works there, so I'm still in touch with them--

were nothing but supportive and fantastic.

I met Christine while teaching there.

And made the decision, at that point,

to come out, because I wanted to get

to know this beautiful woman, and coming out

was a way to do that.

So yes, I left Hilton of my own accord and been in Greece.

I've been out and open.

EVELYN BAILEY: When you came to Greece, was Tim Mains still--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: He was not.

He was not.

He was in the city here at that point.

EVELYN BAILEY: He was in the city at that point.

He was?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yep.

EVELYN BAILEY: Oh, he's been in the city for a long time.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yeah.

He had just been in the city a few years

before I got to Greece.

EVELYN BAILEY: OK.

Do you have any sense that his already

being out and open in that district made a difference

for you?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: I love that this project

is called Shoulders to Stand On, because everything everyone did

before us made a difference.

And Tim has made a huge difference

in many of our lives.

And yes, I mean, he made a big difference in the district.

And I think now the district is very, very open

and accepting-- from the superintendent down.

I mean, it's just very accepting.

And many of those people were not there when Tim was there.

I think a lot of it is everybody playing a little part

in being more open.

It just so happened that the person

who interviewed and hired me was an openly gay woman.

So I mean, at that point, for someone

to be in that high of an administrative position

and be openly gay was a result of what Tim had done

and the awareness that he had brought.

EVELYN BAILEY: Personally, how has that changed your teaching?

How has that changed your ability

to relate to your students?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Wow, I don't know

if we have enough time for that, because there

are two components to answer that question.

One is-- as a person who is living an authentic and open

life and who is doing the things that I

feel driven to do to leave this world a better place

than I found it.

I am a more comfortable teacher.

I'm a teacher who doesn't worry about being found out.

I can be myself.

And teaching in middle school, you've

got to be your crazy self.

I mean, you got to be.

That's how you get kids engaged.

It's how students learn best.

I teach languages.

I teach Italian and Spanish.

Kids get to choose what language they pick.

And obviously, if a kid's going to choose Italian,

they're going to know who their teacher's going to be.

So in that sense, it's fortunate.

But I get to be myself, and I get to be the dynamic teacher

that the kids need.

And to focus on them and not focus on what I'm hiding,

or what my issues are.

But the other piece of that is that I

found many students who are very respectful and gracious,

because they understand.

They've seen Christine and I on television.

They know our story.

And they feel like either they have

gay parents, a gay cousin--

everybody knows somebody gay.

And they feel like, wow, she gets it.

And there's a lot of kids who will eat lunch in my room

or come and do extra work for me or do whatever

it is, because they feel comfortable with me

because they know I'm not going to judge them.

I actually brought the safe space program.

The Gay Alliance came and did safe space training

in my school.

We were the first middle school they had ever done that in.

And you walk through our school, and there

are safe space stickers.

There are kids who know what it means.

We have a health teacher who brought

in kids from the Gay-Straight Alliance at the high school

to talk to kids.

It's a very open conversation now.

That has changed a lot from when I was there.

It has changed a lot from what I was there.

EVELYN BAILEY: When you came back to Rochester and town

this, quote, unquote "gay community"

that was embracing of you, what was

your first foray into politics or into political action?

Or more than just--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Being a gay person.

EVELYN BAILEY: --being a gay person?

Which is a lot to begin with.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Well, it is.

I mean, I always say that the greatest political act

we can do is living open lives.

It was a gradual and eventual thing.

I started out--

I'm going to backtrack a little so that.

When I first came out in the '90s

was the time that Hawaii had marriage equality

for about 30 seconds.

And I remember thinking-- and it was more than thirty seconds,

I'm being facetious, but.

I remember thinking, when I heard the news

story about this, that I never thought

marriage was a possibility.

I thought if I was going to come out

as being gay that I was just going to kiss goodbye

to the idea of ever being married.

And that was my first inkling that it was even something

that people were talking about.

And people had been talking about it long enough for Hawaii

to get it spoken about and passed for awhile.

So it continued to build from there.

When I met my wife, she was very, very interested

in American history and politics.

And I wasn't.

I just had never--

growing up Italian-American, my family was in Italy,

and I used to go to Italy in the summertimes

to visit my grandmother.

And I was more involved in European history.

And when I met Christine, she ignited the idea in me

that I needed to look at our own country and our own history.

And then 9/11 happened, and that changed my sense of attachment

to our country.

It changed something in me, and I

think my political involvement started to evolve from there.

I can tell you the day I got political.

It was the day that George Bush came on television

and called for a constitutional amendment to ban marriage,

or to define marriage as between one man and one woman.

And I remember it was a breaking news,

and he had those beady eyes, saying it.

And I just filled with such rage.

And I was just so angry that my wonderful, beautiful

relationship would be used as a political wedge.

I mean, everything inside of me just said, this is so wrong,

and something needs to be done about it.

And we thought about it for a long time.

And I remember thinking to myself,

why isn't someone doing this?

Why isn't someone doing something about this?

And then I thought, who am I waiting for?

I know something has to be done.

I better do it.

I just need to do it.

So that was the beginning.

I started looking up things online.

I hooked up with the local Democratic Party.

I went to a campaign--

EMILY's List was having a campaign school,

and I went to it and I met a bunch of people.

And I was in the right place at the right time.

Greece didn't have a very large presence

with the Democratic Party, and they

were looking for somebody who was motivated to do so.

I had the idea that I would start.

I figured, at that point, that probably the best

way to tackle this would be to get lesbians elected

to political offices, because I didn't feel,

at that time, that someone--

I felt, at that time, that the person best

able to represent us was us.

That belief has changed, but at that time,

that's what I thought.

So I was toying with the idea of starting

a PAC called the Lesbian Visibility Movement--

or Project, I believe.

It was the Lesbian Visibility Project.

And so I went to the Board of Elections

and I spoke to Tom Farese, and I met a bunch of people.

And Harry Bronson was helping me with how to get it set up.

And as that started to evolve, I became the leader of the Greece

Dems, and everything just started falling into place.

And people say to me--

I remember people saying, name one good thing George W. Bush

did.

And I said, he got me involved in politics.

EVELYN BAILEY: Now, when you said

leader of the Greece Democratic Party, the Democratic--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Committee.

EVELYN BAILEY: --committee.

Did you become Chair?

Did you become-- I mean--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Leader or chair are interchangeable.

It depends on the bylaws of each town.

The town of Greece, at the time, had

a leader, secretary, treasurer.

And I was the leader for--

EVELYN BAILEY: And were you elected to that position?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yeah, yep, I was.

And we were very successful.

Before that happened, I actually ran for office.

I was the first candidate in a decade

to run as a Democrat for a Greece town office.

And I knew that I was running in a town that was pretty known

for its conservative views, and I had some concerns about that.

And it was all a process of deciding how I wanted to be.

And I remember Susan Jordan interviewing me,

and I made the decision.

I said, I'm going to be the one to come out.

I'm not going to let the other side out me.

And Susan interviewed me and did this great interview,

In the Empty Closet.

And I remember it showing up in my mailbox

and my heart sank, because it was in print.

For the first time, it was out there--

I'm gay.

And it's been a process.

So anyhow, so becoming the leader,

then, came after that-- came after that campaign.

And we built the committee, and I

learned that Greece is filled with wonderful, supportive

people of the LGBT community.

I mean, it's almost like we have two polar ends of it.

So another time I experienced some hatred

was during that campaign.

There was definitely a whisper campaign

and some other things going on that

was really upsetting to hear.

But for the most part, people were really supportive,

and it built a lot in the community.

EVELYN BAILEY: Now, I know you were

involved in marriage equality.

But were you involved with ESPA before that?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Christine and I were two of the first people

to get the training for marriage ambassadors-- for Pride Agenda.

When SONDA first passed, I remember

going to a town hall meeting about SONDA

that Pride Agenda had set up.

And Sandy Frankel was there and Alan van Capelle

and a bunch of people.

And Matt was just leaving, and Alan was coming in

as Executive Director.

And I met both of them, and they got me on board with the--

they were just starting to think about doing this marriage

ambassador thing.

And so I had been involved with them on that level.

My primary titles or work that I've done

has been through-- first, Marriage Equality New York,

and now Marriage Equality USA.

EVELYN BAILEY: Marriage Equality USA?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yep, they changed their name.

Well, they became a national organization.

EVELYN BAILEY: When you became--

you were involved with marriage equality in New York

before the passage of marriage equality in New York?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: I was the Rochester chapter

leader of Marriage Equality New York for a few years,

and I was the chapter leader during that Senate vote.

EVELYN BAILEY: Can you summarize,

in some way, what the change was between the beginning

and the end?

I mean, initially, Marriage Equality New York

was a coalition of organizations, right?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: No, Marriage Equality New York

is its own organization.

The coalition was New Yorkers United for Marriage.

And about six months before the passage, Pride Agenda,

Get Equal, Marriage Equality New York,

other organizations came together--

HRC-- and they formed New Yorkers United for Marriage.

That was the coalition.

But Marriage Equality New York existed

for, I think, eleven years prior to the passage of marriage.

EVELYN BAILEY: And was that the organization

that was particularly involved in focus on OBC and--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: The New Yorkers United for Marriage was, yes.

And Marriage Equality New York--

Rochester chapter-- what we did in New York was-- in Rochester,

it was a little different than what they did.

We had this New Yorkers United for Marriage.

The same organizations that were involved in that

would meet under the banner of Equality Rochester, which

Anne Tischer organized.

We also included some other organizations

in Equality Rochester that the coalition didn't necessarily

include.

So we had our own--

Equality Rochester was our organization.

We met a couple times a week.

It was a beautiful thing to see the organizations working

together.

You had representations from the Human Rights Campaign

that worked in the area, representatives

from Empire State Pride Agenda, representatives

from Marriage Equality New York, coming together and just

working.

I don't know that I have ever worked so hard on something

as we did in those final months before that marriage vote.

And we were focusing, initially, on Senator Roebuck and Senator

Alesi.

And then we realized that Senator Roebuck-- and we

continue to focus.

We never stopped.

But we realized that Senator Alesi

was the one that may have been more attainable, let's say.

Very, very proud of the work that the coalition

did around Senator Alesi.

One of the first things that I did when I came on

as the Rochester chapter leader was I

recognized that he wanted to vote yes the time before.

It was obvious that he wanted to vote yes.

And that perhaps what we needed to do

was give him permission to vote yes.

So I worked very closely with Rochester Republicans and Log

Cabin Republicans, and people that he

had a relationship with, to go in and talk to him

and say, we want you to do this.

And we support you in doing this.

And we just did so much around that.

And the day that he announced that he would be voting yes

is the first Republican state legislator

in our country to say that they were supportive of marriage

equality.

There was nothing like that.

And I'm not saying we were directly responsible for it,

but we certainly tried to make it as comfortable for him as

possible to be able to do that.

EVELYN BAILEY: Well, you certainly

created the environment in which not only could he say that,

but he would be supported in saying that.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Exactly.

EVELYN BAILEY: Because those are two different things.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Absolutely.

EVELYN BAILEY: But what changed in people's mind?

I mean, yes, Alesi coming out in favor was huge.

But already, there was a huge movement underway

across the state to bring that about.

And it wasn't just political.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Right.

I had never seen anything like it.

I'd never seen anything like the energy around that.

It was amazing.

I mean, we would go to the public market, the Lilac

Festival.

We would go to all these places.

And, I mean, it was an overwhelming support.

We had tens of thousands of letters and cards

of support being sent to senators constantly.

I mean, we have pictures of four of us walking out

with boxes of postcards that said, please vote yes.

Please vote yes-- just postcards,

but there were boxes of them that we were

bringing at least once a week.

And it was amazing.

The most we got from people was either, I don't support it,

or I support it but I don't want to put my name on it.

But those people were very few and far between.

It was amazing.

We started out this interview and I said to you

that living out and openly is the most important advocacy

that we can do.

And I believe that it was a perfect storm of people working

towards-- and the history of making it things like SONDA

and Tim Mains, and all these things that

preceded us that made it easier and more comfortable for people

to live out and openly.

It's much easier for someone to say,

I don't support marriage equality.

I don't support two men or two women being married--

if they don't know two men or two women who are in

love with each other.

Once you see that and you know that, it's almost impossible

to say that that deserves the recognition,

it deserves that equality and level footing.

And I think in New York, we come from a history

of people who do things outside of their comfort zone,

who do things because it's the right thing to do.

And I think we continue that history

of people living out and openly despite whatever repercussions

might come.

And those around us say, I don't see what's wrong with this.

And I think that was probably the most powerful tool

in the whole movement--

was people living out and openly and showing people

that we're just two people who come home, feed the cats,

make dinner, and love each other.

I think that was the biggest piece of it.

EVELYN BAILEY: Were you involved, at all,

in putting together the private work with the political--

with the faith communities, with--

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yeah, that was all part of what we did.

It was a very interesting symbiotic relationship

of things going on.

We did weekly, sometimes twice a week

phone calls with the governor's office.

And it was a very planned attack across the state of looking at,

who are the different groups that these senators need

to hear from to feel comfortable to make this decision?

And we got very good at-- locally, especially--

knowing who were the people that could help bring in union

support and who could bring in faith community support

and who could--

I'm telling you, Evelyn, it was an incredible time

to be involved, because there was nothing like that energy

that I have ever experienced.

And whether it came from having a supportive governor,

it came from having supportive labor unions,

it came from having supportive churches,

it came from having supportive organizations like Pride Agenda

and Marriage Equality New York-- all of those things just

fell together in a place that made it possible.

And there's not one person who is solely

responsible for that victory.

I mean, you can go back to people like Pat Martinez,

who just by putting out there and putting everything

she had out there to cover--

her wife's medical expenses and suing her employer.

I mean, that's no small feat--

suing your employer-- to get her wife's medical expenses

covered.

And making a statewide decision that those of us

married outside of New York would be recognized in New York

was all part of that path that got people

thinking, well, wait a second.

Why am I going to send people outside of New York

to get married and spend their tourist money and their money,

and then come in here and reap the benefits?

It should be a reciprocal--

I mean, there's a lot of money in the wedding business.

And we highlighted that, as well, too.

One of our most successful rallies

was one right outside of Senator Alesi's office--

near his office building-- that was

all about how much money New York

state was losing by not allowing marriages to be performed here.

And it was just a bunch of things

that came together and made it happen.

A lot of people are responsible for it.

EVELYN BAILEY: So when we began this conversation,

you mentioned marriage as something you never ever

expected would happen--

not only probably in your lifetime, forever.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Right.

It wasn't even a thought.

EVELYN BAILEY: So when you look back over those years,

who are your heroes?

Who are the people who not only spoke to you,

but energized you?

Aside from George W. Bush.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yeah, right.

You know, that question--

it actually brings tears to my eyes, because--

I don't know why, but it does.

Interestingly, the people who energized me and spoke to me

were not the people necessarily involved

in the marriage victories.

I look at people throughout history--

and I mean, I have lots of heroes.

And they all have something in common.

And that thing they have in common

is that they were the ones who went out and did things

because they were right, not because they were convenient.

They were people who risked everything

for what they believed in.

They're people who went out there and said,

I may never see this come to fruition,

but it's the right thing to do so I'm going to do it.

The Susan B. Anthony's, the people

who powered the Underground Railroad.

I mean, the unsung people whose names we don't know.

As a matter of fact, when we were

getting into the last weeks of the marriage vote, when

we didn't know when it was going to happen, we were exhausted.

I mean, we were just exhausted.

And it was everything we had to do

to go and get 100 more signatures

or to go and deliver.

And I brought in a bunch of people

who came to our little house, and we

had a bunch of the people who were the main organizers.

And we watched Iron Jawed Angels,

which is the story of women who fought for women's suffrage

and were jailed--

not even knowing if the jail time they served

would have brought to fruition what they were looking for.

And we watched that movie, and it energized us.

It was these people who did what they

had to do because they were moved

to leave this world a better place than they found it.

And I think the person who epitomizes that for me,

the person who I always refer back to--

I teach my kids about at school, who I always look at--

is Nelson Mandela.

To me, he is the epitome of a person who gave everything--

his freedom, his time watching his children grow, everything--

to fight something that he felt he just had to do.

And then, after apartheid was gone

and after his sacrifice was realized,

he went back and served the country as its president.

I mean, he just amazes me.

He just amazes me.

So my biggest hero is Nelson Mandela.

Of course, it thrills me to no end

that he supports our rights as well.

But I have to say, my other hero is my wife.

I mean, I wouldn't do the things I've done if it wasn't for her.

She allowed me to understand who I truly was,

and that it was OK to be me.

And with all my quirks and all the stupid things that I do,

she loves me for who I am.

And she supports me in anything that I do.

And having that unconditional love,

having that person who makes you better, having

that relationship where you know--

I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I come to her

and say, I've got this crazy idea that we're

going to make marriage happen in New York

and I'm going to give twenty-three hours a day to it.

And she says, OK, honey, what do you need me to do to help you?

Knowing that you have that and allowing me to be who I am--

she's my hero every day.

EVELYN BAILEY: So we have, as a group,

achieved tremendous liberation.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Mostly.

EVELYN BAILEY: In many ways.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Yeah.

EVELYN BAILEY: What's the next frontier?

What's the next step in this journey?

Because all the things that we have really

set our minds and hearts to attaining, we have attained.

JO MELECA-VOIGT: Well, we're on the way to attaining.

We haven't attained it all yet.

EVELYN BAILEY: No, but what we have chosen to work on

and to make reality, we have been successful in doing that.

What do you think is the next step for the community?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: I think it's twofold.

I think the first is--

we have to be very careful not to think,

OK, well New York has marriage and DOMA's gone, so we're done.

There's a saying that none of us is free until all of us

is free.

And the majority of people in this country

are not able to marry in their state.

So we need federal marriage.

We have to.

It's ridiculous that Christine and I can be married here

in our state but somebody in Wisconsin can't be.

I mean, it's just ridiculous.

So that's our next step, and that's

why I'm working with Marriage Equality USA

to see that that happens.

We have so many obstacles, Evelyn.

We have transgender brothers and sisters

who are living in fear, who are unable to get

the jobs that they deserve and that they

have the rights and the skill and the ability to obtain.

We have people who are not living in their true gender

because their fear that if they do, they will be ostracized--

or worse, killed.

And as I said before, my ability to be myself

has improved my work.

It's improved my life.

It has made everything better for me.

I want to see our trans brothers and sisters

in that same situation.

So that's huge.

We need to work with our youth.

We've come a long way with youth,

but the problem is when there are those--

I mean, when I look at my history and my childhood

and not even knowing what the word gay meant,

we've come a really long way.

But there are those whose families have not

come along with them, and they have nowhere to live.

They have nowhere to lay their head down.

And we need to make sure that that doesn't happen,

that there's a place for kids.

We need to look at our older generation.

I mean, we've got a generation, now, that is--

they took that risk of being abandoned by their families

in order to live their lives as openly gay people.

And now that they're older, some of them

don't have the family network and support that many of us

will enjoy in our older years.

So we have to make sure that there's a community for them.

There is so much more that we have to do.

It didn't stop with marriage.

It was interesting-- the night that marriage

was passed in New York, we were at equal grounds

when we watched the vote.

And I remember-- sometimes Christine

and I joke that they need to find some other gay couples

to interview on television.

And so when they started interviewing people

that night we said, just go interview some other people.

There were tons of people there.

So we were watching the newscast the next day,

and I remember them interviewing a young couple--

two young girls.

They must've been in their early twenties.

And they asked them, well, what do you think about this moment?

And their response was, it just came out of nowhere!

And I remember thinking, no!

It didn't just come out of nowhere!

We've been busting our humps making this happen.

But then immediately, I realized, well,

that's what we wanted it to be.

We want the future generations not

to know what it feels like to be discriminated against.

We want them to be able to take for granted their freedoms.

Not to take for granted the history and the people

who fought for it and what was done for it,

but I want there to be a time when people say, really?

Gay people couldn't get married before?

I want that to happen.

I don't want it to be something stigmatized or something that's

a big deal or a big social issue.

I want it to just be, OK.

Two people love each other.

They're consenting adults.

They should be able to get married.

I do hope those two young women have joined the fight.

EVELYN BAILEY: What are you most proud of?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: At the expense of sounding arrogant and proud

of myself, I look at-- especially doing an interview

like this--

I look at the journey from insecure young woman

who felt the need to spew hate against gay people

to a woman who sometimes doubts myself, but often can

look at a situation and say, what

needs to be done to allow people to live their lives--

their authentic lives?

And I see this change that's come about in me,

through my own personal acceptance,

through the love of my wife and my family.

And I'm just really proud of the person I've become.

And I really don't mean that arrogantly.

I mean that as, I'm just proud to be able to love myself

despite my quirks, despite maybe not having the most money

and maybe not having the best waistline

and maybe not always doing things the way

I want them to do.

But to forgive myself and to say, you're on this journey

and you're walking the path that you want to be walking.

And that's what I hope my students can do.

It's what I hope my nieces and nephews can do.

And it's what I hope I allow my wife to do.

EVELYN BAILEY: Were you ever--

well, you did say that in your previous quote,

unquote "life," that you spewed rhetoric

in opposition to being gay.

I guess what I--

were you always proud to be who you were?

JO MELECA-VOIGT: No, I was very ashamed of myself.