Audio Interview, Tom Ferrarese, September 19, 2013

  • EVELYN BAILEY: Today is September 19,
  • and I'm sitting in with Tom Ferrarese, Election
  • Commissioner for the city of Rochester.
  • TOM FERRARESE: No, the county.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: County of Monroe.
  • Sorry.
  • TOM FERRARESE: County.
  • Well, not just the city, but the county too.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And I'm here to talk to Tom
  • about some of his earlier life before he
  • got into public office.
  • And then-- I mean not public office,
  • but politics and involved in the Gay Alliance, and other things.
  • Were you born in Rochester, Tom?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yes, actually, I was born in Rochester in 1950.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And whereabouts did you live?
  • Did you live where you are now?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Actually, when I was born,
  • my parents lived on Locust Street,
  • which is in the Northwest section of the city.
  • And they ultimately, when I was about four,
  • moved to Charlotte on Petten Street.
  • And that's where my parents' house
  • was until my mom passed away just about three years ago.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
  • Were you-- when did you kind of come into an understanding
  • or a realization that you were a gay man, or a gay--
  • TOM FERRARESE: You know, a lot of signals
  • occurred throughout my life growing up, particularly
  • in my twenties.
  • Certainly, the signals were there, but I'm an activist,
  • and I'm very actively involved with things.
  • And I think kind of in a way, through my activities--
  • through my political activity and my activism,
  • either in community groups, because I'm involved
  • in community groups, theater groups, and politics--
  • I kind of just buried the whole concept
  • of what I was or wasn't in that.
  • I mean, because I was actually married twice
  • to two wonderful people.
  • And actually, one of them is friends--
  • I'm friends with to this very day.
  • We're very close.
  • But I kind of--
  • I didn't ignore it completely, because I mean,
  • I touched a lot of people, a lot of people
  • within the LGBT community.
  • As a matter of fact, Tim Mains' first bid for City Council,
  • I wasn't out at that time.
  • Actually, I just wasn't paying attention to it again
  • at that time.
  • But I was--
  • I helped him to get the designation, actually.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
  • Do you recall from your early time,
  • were there organizations or resources
  • available in this community for men such as yourself
  • or for LGBT people?
  • TOM FERRARESE: None that I knew of, OK?
  • To be frank with you, my first exploring that element of me
  • was in Washington, DC, because I would go down
  • to Washington for a number of political things
  • that I was involved in.
  • And frankly, it was that where I had an opportunity
  • kind of to go to a first bar, to kind of just go
  • see what I was feeling in terms of how that all equated.
  • Matter of fact, I mean, my first book I bought on LGBT issues
  • was in a Washington bookstore, because I really just
  • didn't have any sense of anything in Rochester
  • that I could turn to.
  • And it's kind of ironic, because like I said, I knew Tim,
  • and I knew what he did and what have you,
  • but you know, it's funny.
  • It can be right in front of you, but you don't see resources
  • necessarily.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: If you're not looking
  • and if you're in denial, then you don't see a lot.
  • TOM FERRARESE: You don't see a lot.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: What catapulted you into political activity?
  • I mean, you were at Chase for many, many years, in banking?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Twenty-five years with Chase.
  • Yeah, exactly.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Were you involved in politics at that time?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yes.
  • Actually, I got involved in politics
  • probably in my mid teens.
  • I was the-- high school, I was involved.
  • I was head of the Student Council,
  • I was president of the club.
  • I did those kind of things in high school.
  • And actually, ironically, Roger Robach reached out to me
  • before I even was old enough to vote, asked me to get involved,
  • and I got involved with him and then involved in the committee
  • in the Northwest.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: But at that time, Roger Robach was a Democrat.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Roger-- Roger Robach.
  • We're talking about the--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: The father.
  • TOM FERRARESE: We're talking about the father.
  • And we're talking about before he was even
  • elected to political office.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
  • TOM FERRARESE: We're talking a long time ago.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: But he was a Democrat.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
  • Roger was a Democrat.
  • He did democratic committee.
  • He had me get involved in the democratic committee.
  • It was the Old 27th Ward.
  • We didn't even have LDs like we do today.
  • It was called the Old 27th Ward, and it
  • was Charlotte and Lower Maplewood
  • that was the committee.
  • And I was actually--
  • I got involved in that committee.
  • I turned eighteen and within a short period of time,
  • I became the youth chair of the 27th Ward.
  • I was involved with Larry Kirwan's takeover
  • of the Democratic Party.
  • So I had all that political activity.
  • I was involved in the Charlotte Community Association, I was--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Who was mayor at the time?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh, I think when I first got involved,
  • it might have been Steve May who we know today.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Well, there's much--
  • TOM FERRARESE: The Republicans controlled City Council
  • at the time, so--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Who?
  • TOM FERRARESE: The Republicans controlled
  • City Council at the time.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
  • There was much-- there's much controversy about Stephen May
  • and no actual proof--
  • TOM FERRARESE: Proof or evidence, yeah.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: --or evidence that he was gay.
  • Was Midge Costanza?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Midge-- actually, Midge came into City Council.
  • Midge was involved at the time I first got involved,
  • but then I moved away to Colorado for five years.
  • My political involvement out there continued.
  • Actually, I was Jimmy Carter's representative in the Crystal
  • River Valley where I lived.
  • I actually did his whole campaign
  • in that Crystal River Valley.
  • Meanwhile, Midge was coming into office here.
  • I knew her from prior years, coming into office here.
  • And then she went off to Washington
  • when Carter took office.
  • Well, then I came back to Rochester
  • after actually she had left.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And Ryan--
  • was Ryan mayor then?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Ryan-- well, yes.
  • But that was when Council picked the mayor.
  • He wasn't directly elected.
  • Because it wasn't until the '80s, 1980s, in fact,
  • that we had a directly elected county executive
  • and a directly elected mayor.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Now perhaps you can
  • clarify some other controversy.
  • It's my understanding that Midge became Vice Mayor on Council,
  • but that the highest vote getter on Council
  • usually became mayor.
  • And rather than appoint a woman or choose a woman to be mayor,
  • they created a vice mayorship.
  • Now I have since heard that that whole, what I just said,
  • was a figment of Midge Costanza's imagination,
  • that she is the one who created the quote, unquote, "story"
  • about that.
  • Do you have any--
  • TOM FERRARESE: I mean, I can't confirm or deny.
  • I mean, I can go back and see.
  • I mean, we can go back and research that period of time
  • that she came in and see how that all unfolded.
  • So we could get statistic-- we got data on that.
  • I mean, as we're talking, I can point over to you.
  • I have--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: But was it the person
  • who got the most votes who was then--
  • TOM FERRARESE: You know what?
  • It was kind of like--
  • because understand.
  • You had district council seats and you had at-large seats.
  • There's five at-large seats.
  • There's four district council seats.
  • They don't run the same year.
  • So sometimes, the mayor could be somebody
  • who was a district council person,
  • or it could be a person who was at large.
  • And it wouldn't necessarily be--
  • I mean, somebody could be in as mayor
  • and stay in as mayor, even after an election
  • where somebody else got more votes than anybody else,
  • but that person wasn't up at that time.
  • In other words, all the Council members
  • don't run at the same time, so you can't really
  • use that as a criteria for selecting mayor.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: But at that time, Council chose the mayor.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh yeah.
  • Like I said, until early 1980--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: 1980s.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Till the early 1980s, Council chose the mayor.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And in that choosing--
  • I mean, not choosing, but when the mayor became an elected
  • position, did Ryan run again?
  • Because he was mayor for--
  • TOM FERRARESE: Forever.
  • (Laughs)
  • Forever.
  • That's true.
  • Yeah.
  • Tom Ryan ran-- was the first person
  • to run for the openly elected mayor.
  • And he had served actually as the appointed
  • mayor prior to that on Council.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And what was your involvement at that time?
  • Were you at the 23rd LD, or were you--
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh, no.
  • I was over on the Northwest side.
  • I was involved in the Old--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: 27th.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Well, 27th--
  • the 27th Ward had then become--
  • the 23rd Ward became the 27th--
  • I mean, understand, you can't compare wards and LDs.
  • But yeah.
  • That became the 27th LD before the 27th LD
  • was shifted more south.
  • And actually, I was the chair of that committee at the time,
  • and I became the leader of it probably shortly thereafter.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And how long were you in that kind of position?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Or have you ever left it?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Well, yes.
  • No, I did.
  • Because when I moved over--
  • actually, I stayed as leader in the Northwest for a long time,
  • until about twenty years ago when
  • I moved over to the Southeast side of the city.
  • And for even the first eight months
  • I lived over the Southeast side, I'd
  • been leader of the Northwest.
  • And because they were in transition
  • and leaders usually aren't elected until September,
  • I moved probably in March, I think, over
  • to the Southeast side.
  • They asked me to stay on as leader over there,
  • because I was still in--
  • I was still in the assembly district
  • where I could sit in a seat on the Northeast,
  • because you have to be in the right assembly district.
  • And so I stayed as leader over there for eight months
  • after I left.
  • Then I became the secretary of the 23rd LD committee
  • finally at the--
  • when new leaders were elected in September.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Mm-hmm.
  • Can you recall when the first time
  • was that any issue regarding the LGBT community
  • became quote, unquote--
  • I'll call it a "legislative item," because I'm not--
  • I'm not familiar with the terminology.
  • But came to the forefront in order
  • for action, some legislative action, to be taken?
  • Was it domestic partnership, or was it housing?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Well, I think the first thing
  • that the Council dealt with was in--
  • I think this was making sure that there
  • was non discrimination policies in the city.
  • Contractual arrangements.
  • I think that's where they began their process, I think.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And then affirmative action?
  • TOM FERRARESE: We had affirmative action,
  • that kind stuff.
  • Yeah.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And if I'm not mistaken, there was--
  • whenever LGBT issues came before City Council,
  • there were outcries by other groups
  • that were not supportive?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
  • I mean, you had the traditionally more conservative
  • people out there at the time.
  • I'm trying to remember his name.
  • Michael--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Macaluso?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Macaluso.
  • I mean, he was a big--
  • and you know, but he was also--
  • Michael was also opposed to any number
  • of things that kind of suggested that we have a more
  • progressive society.
  • He kind of-- he kind of--
  • he was against everything that led us into that direction.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
  • Your work with Fortunate Families, was that early on?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Actually, I'm a founding member
  • of Fortunate Families.
  • With Casey and Marilyn, I'm on the incorporation papers
  • to help form Fortunate Families.
  • Prior to that, CGLFM, which was the Bishop Matthew Clark
  • had asked a group to be formed, and CGLFM had formed--
  • Catholic Lesbian and Gay Family Ministries--
  • within the church.
  • And Casey and Marilyn worked within that group
  • for a long time.
  • I didn't do a lot of work with them, but at the time,
  • I was involved with the National Association
  • of Catholic Diocesan and Lesbian Gay Ministries.
  • Actually, I was the treasurer, and then I
  • became the president of that national organization.
  • I was involved with them for about ten, eleven years.
  • And that was from the late '80s.
  • And I served on that board and in those positions.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And it was Bishop--
  • it wasn't Bishop Clark.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Bishop Matthew Clark has been the--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Was then the bishop--
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh, yeah.
  • He was the bishop for a long time.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
  • How did you square that with the church?
  • TOM FERRARESE: To be honest with you,
  • most people don't understand.
  • There's one thing that's above everything else in the church,
  • and that is primacy of conscience.
  • And primacy of conscience is a very--
  • it's interesting.
  • It's a very explicit situation whereby
  • which you need within your conscience to resolve issues.
  • And your conscience above everything else in the church
  • stands.
  • Even Ratzinger, the Pope Benedict,
  • even Ratzinger himself wrote extensively on that,
  • and he even wrote extensively on that, that in fact, that
  • was above everything else.
  • The other thing is that it's amazing
  • the aura that the right, ultra right has created.
  • But even many biblical scholars will talk about the Bible
  • in terms of how it's written and what the Bible really
  • means in various situations.
  • You know, if you just dig a little bit deeper and you
  • just-- you realize that you're taking
  • a church that has been pointed in one direction for so long.
  • And it's like trying to take a huge steamliner and turn it,
  • and that is just an incredibly slow process.
  • Is it frustrating at times?
  • Have I walked away from it for a couple of years here and there?
  • Yes, because you just get so frustrated with what
  • you're dealing with that it just-- it seems impossible.
  • But certainly, unless we continue
  • that struggle within the church, we will never change it.
  • And we are seeing change.
  • I mean, I sit on the Fortunate Families board today still,
  • and we're seeing, you know, definitely a lot of movement.
  • It's funny.
  • We've looked at the statistical data in terms of people
  • that support marriage equality.
  • And if you take a subset after surveying the general public
  • on who supports marriage equality,
  • if you take a subset of that of just Catholics,
  • their percentage of support is actually
  • higher than the general public.
  • They actually-- more Catholics support marriage equality
  • than the percentage of those that support-- every time they
  • take a survey, if you pull that subset out,
  • Catholics tend to support marriage equality more
  • than the public at general.
  • Which is really interesting.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Can you give me a perspective
  • on what you feel the impact of Fortunate Families
  • as an organization, as a group has
  • had on men and women who need the services
  • of that organization?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Well, and it's interesting you
  • ask that question, because Fortunate Families is really
  • about the parents and brothers and sisters.
  • It's about the families of LGBT people.
  • And the objective of Fortunate Families
  • is to make sure that those people understand and support.
  • And that's the effect that we have on gay men and lesbians
  • and even transgender-- folks coming out and having
  • to deal with those issues.
  • Fortunate Families is there to support them
  • with their families in that process.
  • What's interesting is when we first
  • started Fortunate Families, we were
  • dealing with parents who were just absolutely distraught.
  • How do I reconcile the church against, you know, against--
  • and I love my-- my love for my son or my daughter
  • is just absolutely unqualified.
  • And how do I reconcile that with the teachings of the church?
  • Well, we were able to step in and pretty much
  • begin to really change that.
  • And so we were dealing with a lot of parents or brothers
  • and sisters or aunts, uncles, whatever
  • it was who were really--
  • they needed just-- they really needed support.
  • And in reality, let's face it.
  • Most people, by the time they come out,
  • they've been through a process and been
  • able to reconcile it themselves.
  • And then they go, and they come out to their parents,
  • and they go, well, but you've instantly got to be where I am.
  • Well, you know, come on.
  • You had a while to get there.
  • Give them a while to get there.
  • But I think we've helped accelerate
  • that kind of thing by what we were doing and the people we're
  • reaching out to and parent gatherings, and what have you.
  • What's interesting is that the parents now
  • that we're dealing with have changed,
  • and they're not so much struggling
  • with their kids coming out as much as they're
  • wanting to know how they can affect change
  • within the church.
  • So the resources we're having to provide
  • have begun to change in a lot of ways.
  • Or maybe the presentation of those resources.
  • Because in a lot of ways, it's just turning around and saying,
  • OK, well, you know, when you get in an argument like this,
  • here's the corresponding argument that says,
  • wait a minute.
  • That's not necessarily true.
  • Biblical scholars, scholars within the church
  • are all saying these kinds of things versus this person
  • over here's saying this.
  • But we really-- we're a resource and we provide
  • those kind of resources.
  • This year, for example, we've done four parent gatherings
  • across the country.
  • We've already done two of them, one in Pleasanton, California,
  • one in Cincinnati.
  • We've got a couple more going down.
  • One in Florida.
  • And again, we really discovered that there
  • is a whole new activism within the parents.
  • The parents are coming to us now activists.
  • They want to change things.
  • It really is-- it's really encouraging.
  • I mean, that's part of how we measure
  • the change of the church.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And it's kind of maybe
  • not coincidental that the current leader
  • of the church, Pope Francis, has given a window
  • to LGBT men and women.
  • And thereby, also given a window to their parents
  • and to their friends and allies.
  • Because previous pope certainly was not
  • open to even talking about the heart, soul,
  • and faith of a homosexual.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
  • I don't know.
  • It's interesting watching him.
  • And there's a lot of things, not just this thing that occurred.
  • But what it appears to be--
  • and this is where you've got kind of sort
  • out how he's going to come down on LGBT issues--
  • but what we know or seem to know about him that is a fact,
  • and that is that he does not support
  • oppression or discrimination that is unfounded.
  • And that kind of then ticks the next step
  • where he is willing to stand back and talk about issues
  • that other popes weren't willing to talk about,
  • because he really believes that that's the only way
  • to understand.
  • And it's interesting, because the National Association
  • of Catholic Diocesan of Lesbian and Gay Ministries,
  • which is now Catholic-- it's CALGM,
  • Catholic Association of Lesbian and Gay Ministries I think it
  • now is called--
  • their mission statement at one point included--
  • part of it was to reflect on the lives
  • of LGBT people and their families,
  • to understand the Catholic church needs-- that
  • was part of the step.
  • Yes, you deal with scripture, but you deal with scripture
  • in a number of ways.
  • Yes, you deal with issues in the church,
  • but this was an important part of it is to reflect on that.
  • And I think what Francis, Pope Francis is doing at this point
  • is raising that issue, that we need to look
  • at things without judgment.
  • And that's really--
  • I mean, he hasn't made any proclamations about changing
  • the church's teaching or everything else,
  • but he has opened the door, as you said, because he basically
  • has made it clear that he's going
  • to be willing to talk about these things,
  • to try to understand them.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Your involvement in Fortunate Families
  • preceded your involvement in the Gay Alliance.
  • Or was--
  • TOM FERRARESE: No, actually-- actually,
  • my first involvement with the Gay Alliance
  • initially was before Fortunate Families came into being.
  • And-- gosh, try to figure out all the years that I--
  • you know, you begin to calculate back, and I can't--
  • I can't--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: You're not that old, Tom.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Um--
  • OK, thank you.
  • (Laughter)
  • No.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Fortunate Families came into existence
  • in the '80s.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yes.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And your involvement
  • at the Gay Alliance--
  • TOM FERRARESE: Well, they came into existence
  • in the late '80s.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Late '80s.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Actually, I think we were incorporated in '92.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
  • TOM FERRARESE: It was CGLFM, which I was not involved in,
  • which existed in the--
  • I think it was '86, '87.
  • There was the '88, '89 mass at the church-- was it '88?
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Yes.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
  • Which I was involved in.
  • Actually, I was-- that morning, met
  • with the bishop relative to that before the mass.
  • And so that kind of all was there.
  • But I came out in '82, I believe it was,
  • which was when I was forty-two.
  • And I immediately got involved in the political caucus out
  • of the Alliance, which was actively involved in that
  • to begin with, and eventually was
  • pulled onto the board of the Gay Alliance.
  • And I was there when we did the first round of grants
  • from through ESPA, when that whole thing was first set up.
  • I was there to help pull that stuff through and get
  • that money started coming into the Gay Alliance.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: The youth--
  • TOM FERRARESE: The youth program.
  • Yeah.
  • So I mean, that's where I came in,
  • and that's kind of the contribution.
  • My first contribution to the Alliance
  • was to work through that--
  • I've always kind of been the funding person.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And was Ryan still mayor?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Ryan was still mayor, yes.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
  • Were you involved in the tax exempt battle with the city?
  • TOM FERRARESE: I was not involved in that at all.
  • I kind of--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: So in the beginning,
  • because you've been involved in the Alliance two or three
  • times.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: But in the early '80s,
  • it would have been the beginning of the AIDS crisis
  • and the beginning of HPA and the beginning of AIDS Rochester.
  • Can you give a sense of what the community was struggling
  • with and like at that point?
  • TOM FERRARESE: I mean, from my perspective--
  • and probably my perspective is as much political
  • as a person just coming out.
  • But my perspective was trying to get the community--
  • I don't want to say just government, but the community
  • to recognize the crisis.
  • They were struggling themselves to recognize the crisis,
  • because in a lot of ways, people--
  • you don't want the bad news.
  • And that's the big issue.
  • You know, you try and struggle within the community,
  • but then it's the bigger thing, the broader community
  • and government to recognize that this is a major health crisis.
  • And I think if anything, watching government struggle
  • with that and being part of the political process,
  • in terms of that, being an activist myself,
  • I mean, I actually--
  • I supported a number of what were considered to be
  • probably the more radical--
  • ACT UP, and stuff like that.
  • I really believed that, you know, what they were doing
  • was the only way that they were going
  • to get government to move.
  • And so I mean, I've always been--
  • it's interesting.
  • I'm probably an incredibly social liberal, extreme liberal
  • socially.
  • But when you come around to the moneys is when I--
  • probably my more moderate position comes into play.
  • So it's kind of funny in that sense.
  • And that might have been some of the stuff that
  • pulled me in more and more in terms of that.
  • Again Tim's running for office was definitely
  • a stepping off point for me, because I
  • had been involved from his first bid for City Council.
  • As I said to you, I was a leader in the Northwest.
  • And at that time, there was a lot
  • of political pressure for somebody
  • who was running opposite him, Josephine Genovese
  • to get the designation.
  • And the Northwest committee was considered--
  • Tim would get no votes up there.
  • Well, I had a lot of support in the committee,
  • and was able to get him actually within a few votes of winning
  • the committee.
  • Which, for the rest of the city committees, was a win.
  • So Tim had actually, as far as they were concerned,
  • even though he hadn't won it, but he
  • came within two votes of beating Josephine Genovese, which
  • was huge in the Northwest.
  • And that kind of--
  • we had plotted that out.
  • I mean, we talked about it.
  • He understood what I was doing.
  • I was able to-- at the time, Roger was a strong supporter,
  • Roger Robach was a strong supporter of Josephine,
  • and had asked me, you know, can't we
  • get the committee to go for Josephine?
  • And I said, "Roger, we're going to probably-- we can probably
  • get the committee to go for it, but Tim's going to get votes."
  • And he said, "Well, as long as the committee--"
  • it's funny, because Roger didn't seem to care
  • that Tim did as well as he did.
  • And I think Roger understood the politics of that,
  • which is really interesting.
  • It always intrigued me and left me a little bit surprised.
  • But he seemed to accept that.
  • And when we announced the vote, as far as I'm concerned,
  • the Mains campaign was absolutely thrilled,
  • because they had--
  • that was as close to a victory as they could possibly get.
  • It certainly was a signal.
  • And I think that that helped get Tim's campaign-- because we
  • were the first committee.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
  • TOM FERRARESE: But that's when I got active in politics.
  • Then I got involved and managed Tim's campaign.
  • And I actually was managing parts of Tim's campaign
  • before I came out, because I really
  • believed in what he was doing.
  • I believed in the cause.
  • And I'm certainly sure that's kind
  • of what pulled me finally over that line that said, well,
  • wake up.
  • You know?
  • Here you are.
  • And I don't know when the moment was,
  • but I finally did get to a point where I decided
  • I had to take some action.
  • And so my logic was to explore that side of me.
  • Unfortunately, my poor wife--
  • I was married at the time.
  • But I just decided to try to meet more people
  • and talk to more people within the community.
  • And so something I hadn't done before, I
  • started attending Tim's fundraisers
  • that were LGBT-specific.
  • And to be honest with you, that's
  • where I met my husband, Bill.
  • And I don't know, but he just--
  • it's that concept of love at first sight.
  • There was something about him that I'd never felt before.
  • Never in my life had felt before.
  • And actually, within four weeks of meeting Bill
  • I told my wife that I was gay.
  • I actually had a conversation-- this is how comfortable I
  • felt in the church.
  • Father Mol at Sacred Heart, the pastor at Sacred Heart,
  • I had a conversation with him at the time.
  • And my wife asked if we could go through one more
  • Christmas with my family, which I knew meant a lot to her,
  • and she's a wonderful woman to this day.
  • I love her immensely.
  • Certainly it was something I could do.
  • But at that point, Bill and I had started seeing each other
  • pretty regularly.
  • And as soon as Christmas was over with, we closed up house,
  • and I moved in with Bill, and I've been with him
  • for now over twenty years.
  • So that's the irony of it.
  • The concept is the first person you meet--
  • Bill wasn't exactly the first gay person I met,
  • but he certainly was the person that
  • absolutely stoled my heart.
  • Absolutely stole it.
  • I can't-- and to this day, I just--
  • that's-- you know?
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Well, your life as I
  • have observed it has been one of tremendous compassion.
  • There's no doubt in my mind you and Bill
  • were meant to be together.
  • And you have lived your life with integrity,
  • and also with a sense of what is right needs to happen.
  • And--
  • TOM FERRARESE: But that's my political.
  • I mean, that's my political drive.
  • I mean, I'll never forget when Pam Barres came to me at one
  • point and said, "I'm really having trouble
  • at the polling place, because I'm
  • in the middle of transition."
  • And a male name was attached to her voter registration,
  • and she was in the midst of transition.
  • So when she went to the polling place,
  • I guess there was some concern of where
  • she would be at at that point.
  • And I mean, this commission board elections, I can do--
  • and I said, we're going to change your registration.
  • We're going to use your first initial and your last name,
  • and that's it.
  • Then there'll be no perception about your gender
  • at all at the polling place.
  • And that changed everything for her.
  • And those are the kind of things that we
  • need to look at and figure out how to do.
  • And I think that that's--
  • that's absolutely right.
  • But I've never just limited myself to those kind of issues.
  • I do-- for example, we're working on a program
  • to get people who are coming out of jail
  • or who are not felons registered,
  • because they don't think they can be.
  • This is right.
  • This is the thing we should be doing.
  • And I think--
  • I do think that LGBT people, I really
  • do believe that we understand the struggles that people
  • sometimes have with government or with issues
  • around what the community believes versus what is right.
  • I think we understand those sometimes better
  • because of the things that we've had to deal with.
  • I can't say myself that I've personally
  • been persecuted in any way.
  • I mean, you know, I know a lot of people have struggles.
  • I mean, when I came out, my parents were incredible.
  • I mean, I told my parents, and my father kind of went, "Oh.
  • Well, things have been strange for, gosh, five or six months."
  • He goes, "So this was it?"
  • And I'm going, "Yeah."
  • "Well, does this mean now that you'll come back
  • and we can go out for a beer every couple of weeks
  • like we used to?
  • Because we kind of let that drop off."
  • And I said, "Sure."
  • That was my father's response.
  • So I have wonderful parents.
  • I've had a love of my life.
  • I've been so fortunate.
  • I've been so fortunate in the things
  • that I-- so I can't say I've suffered
  • any of the persecutions that other people have.
  • But that doesn't mean I don't have the heart for them,
  • and I don't have the understanding
  • and the willingness.
  • I mean, I can get very emotional with a story that
  • just really breaks my heart.
  • My reason for getting back into Fortunate Families
  • has to do with the loss of a young person who
  • took their life because they had no place to turn.
  • And it's funny, because I had kind of gotten out
  • of-- done my training.
  • Of course, I've forgot it now.
  • And actually, this was right after I
  • had finished my second stint with the Gay Alliance.
  • But a young person took their life.
  • And it just happened to be two weeks later.
  • Marilyn called me.
  • "Can you get back on the board?"
  • And I'm going, "If you promise me one thing.
  • We'll really try to figure out a way, through social media
  • or whatever it is, to begin to let people know
  • they need us before they need--
  • before they know they need us, because that's the only way
  • we can help these kids who have still no place to turn."
  • And this was only three or four years ago.
  • And so the issue hasn't gone away.
  • The issue is as difficult and as pertinent
  • today as it was twenty years ago.
  • I mean, people want to say, well, you know,
  • the gay issue is over with.
  • It isn't.
  • It isn't.
  • There's kids struggling today.
  • And the fact that we've got to understand this.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Over and over again,
  • the coming out process almost requires
  • not only pain and fear, but also tremendous risk and sacrifice
  • to not only the person coming out, but those who are--
  • surround him.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Surround them, yes.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: There has been certainly an increase, not
  • maybe in this last year, but in previous years in LGBT
  • suicides for one reason or another
  • on college campuses across the country.
  • One is too many.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
  • Oh.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: But you see, that's
  • what has always, always impressed me
  • about you as a person.
  • You not only have the political acumen and the intellect,
  • but you have the heart.
  • Many people go one way or the other,
  • and the blend doesn't come together and create
  • a new way of being, a new way of looking at,
  • a new way of dealing with voter registration
  • that can not only improve the Democratic Party
  • or the political process--
  • TOM FERRARESE: Everybody.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: --but gives people the rights they have
  • and secures those rights.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah, well, it's tough.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Yes.
  • So was Tim's campaign where you met Sue Cowell?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yes.
  • Mm-hmm.
  • Yep.
  • Yep.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And in maybe one, two sentences, how significant
  • was Tim running as an openly gay candidate?
  • How significant was that to gay liberation, to advancing
  • our political agenda?
  • TOM FERRARESE: I think it was huge.
  • I don't think--
  • I don't think anybody can even begin
  • to measure the impact it had in the broader sense.
  • I don't think Tim can.
  • I don't think that people can find all the elements of it
  • that were so significant in terms of what it touched.
  • It just did.
  • It was huge.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: And Sue Cowell at the time
  • was his campaign manager, but she was also
  • involved in the Gay Alliance, and she was also
  • involved-- was she in community health at that point?
  • TOM FERRARESE: I think she was.
  • It's interesting, because Sue really
  • has a political background too, because she
  • was involved in quite a bit of politics
  • at that time besides that.
  • You know, it's kind of like--
  • there are people like Sue-- and I don't think, again--
  • Sue's another person I don't think the community realizes
  • the impact she's had on this community
  • and in the broader community, New York State even.
  • Sue is one of those people where she doesn't toot her horn as
  • much as she could, but if you were to really sit
  • down and look at the things that she's touched
  • and the waves that she's created and where those waves have
  • gone, I so respect Sue.
  • She to me is one of the--
  • along with Tim is one of the two people
  • who have just done more than anybody else.
  • A lot of people have done a lot of things.
  • I don't want to take away from anybody else at all.
  • But I don't think--
  • I don't think can even begin to measure between the two of them
  • the impact that they've had, not only in Monroe County
  • or in the Genesee Valley, but in New York State in general.
  • Both of them have had significant impact
  • in the things that have happened.
  • And I just--
  • I think it's immeasurable.
  • But I love working with Sue, because Sue is just so--
  • so easy to work with, and just really to me
  • right-minded about everything.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: A couple more questions, and I know you're--
  • the time.
  • But in terms of Rochester, what do you
  • see as the next place or accomplishment
  • the LGBT community needs to make or needs to have?
  • TOM FERRARESE: I think there's two things.
  • And I know the Alliance focuses on the two things
  • that I think are really important.
  • And those are not abandoning our youth
  • because we think things are over.
  • If anything, we've got to up the ante
  • there in making sure that the youth have an entry point
  • and that we're there to help them through that.
  • I think the new thing that has come
  • into the focus in the last few years
  • is seniors, because all of us are suddenly
  • getting a little bit older.
  • OK, I won't say old, but we're getting a little bit older.
  • And I think trying to address the issues of how
  • we're going to go into aging.
  • Because suddenly, there's going to be--
  • we're going to be out and, in essence,
  • have to deal with being out and aging.
  • In the past, very often, aging people were in the closet,
  • and people didn't even know.
  • And they kind of aged wherever, however.
  • I think the gay community is going
  • to have to have an impact on how it-- and it's going to have
  • to take care of its own.
  • It's going to have to be out there advocating
  • for our needs and our health needs and housing needs,
  • and all that kind of stuff.
  • It doesn't mean by any means that we can't fit in,
  • because I think we do within any community as part
  • of those communities.
  • Senior communities.
  • You know, you look at places like, I guess,
  • St. John's Meadows or something.
  • I think gay people, LGBT people fit in to those areas--
  • can very well.
  • But I think that in a lot of ways,
  • health care is a big issue we have to pay attention to.
  • And we really have to be there as advocates
  • for making sure this happens.
  • Because otherwise, in the back of my mind,
  • I can see the person who is by themselves, alone,
  • and with nobody to care for them or to care about them.
  • You know, slipping away into a horrible nursing home
  • life or something, buried someplace in the system.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Would you say those same issues exist kind
  • on a state level?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh, yeah.
  • Oh, yeah.
  • No, I think this is--
  • yeah, actually, I think state level and national level,
  • I think this is.
  • But you know, all politics is local.
  • I hate to use politicals.
  • But I think very often, if we can start the process here,
  • you know, it does grow.
  • I think that's what Tim and Sue did.
  • The process started here.
  • I think they had an effect in the state.
  • I think the state has an effect countrywide.
  • So let's face it.
  • With the passage of marriage equality in New York,
  • suddenly several other states started
  • thinking it was alright to do.
  • So I think all politics is local.
  • And if you can start it here, then in fact,
  • we can grow that beyond.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Will GENDA pass soon?
  • TOM FERRARESE: I hope so.
  • (Sigh)
  • The legislature is such a strange--
  • state legislature's such a strange--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Animal.
  • TOM FERRARESE: It is.
  • You know, trying to understand the Senate
  • and the various things that they're doing, I don't know.
  • It just-- it really is hard to understand.
  • We have a lot of political things in the elections field
  • that just-- the Senate is grappling with,
  • and we can't seem to get--
  • that people would say, well, but that should happen.
  • I mean, the whole issue about when we hold the primary.
  • We've been trying to move the primary back to June,
  • because federal elections require
  • more notice that ballots go out to service members and what.
  • It's a simple thing, but it's a real struggle in their mind
  • to get around it and deal with.
  • And so you know, it's like, when I
  • look at issues trying to get through the legislature,
  • I look at a lot of issues struggling
  • to get through the legislature, not just our issues.
  • And so trying to figure out how to get
  • a lot of those things accomplished
  • is really difficult. But certainly,
  • we support and continue to push for those things.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: When you look back,
  • what are you most proud of?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Probably the thing that I feel best about
  • is that when I've been asked to step up and do something
  • to help something, to create something, to lead something,
  • to what have you, I don't think I've generally ever said no.
  • And maybe that's the thing that I can age with and say,
  • you know, when asked, I did what just about anybody ever
  • asked me to do relative to leading or just supporting
  • whatever the role was.
  • Any of the issues, particularly within the LGBT community.
  • I mean, when Tim asked me to be his campaign manager before I
  • came out, I suspect he had a better knowledge
  • that I was gay than I did.
  • But I stepped up because I believed in the issue.
  • And I have done that all my life.
  • I was doing that at sixteen, seventeen years old, you know?
  • I think at eighteen, I was, as I said, on the committee.
  • I was treasurer of the local community
  • association where I lived.
  • It's about who I am and about what I believe in.
  • And I just-- that's the thing I feel best about maybe.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: In terms of public image,
  • certainly being commissioner of elections
  • has put you into a more public arena.
  • But again-- and this is my impression over the years
  • that I've known you.
  • You are a behind-the-scenes person.
  • And as such, the recognition or the appreciation
  • or the gratitude that other people get because they're out
  • in front of the crowd doesn't come to you,
  • because you're behind the scenes.
  • And I'm not saying that for a response.
  • I'm saying that as it being my impression.
  • There is no one that I know of in this community who
  • doesn't know who you are.
  • And in the political arena, you have a tremendous amount
  • of influence and power.
  • You use it in, quote, unquote, "right" ways, because you're
  • that kind of man.
  • You're that kind of person.
  • But the recognition and the appreciation--
  • I mean, if anything goes wrong with any voting
  • machine anywhere--
  • (Laughter)
  • --who do they point their finger at?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Yeah, well--
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Tom Ferrarese didn't do it right.
  • But I think that role has provided you with a tremendous
  • amount of satisfaction and a tremendous amount of just
  • thankfulness for your ability to know, work with,
  • and orchestrate many things that people don't--
  • and aren't even aware were orchestrated or done.
  • TOM FERRARESE: There is so many good people, though, out
  • there who by our support have been
  • able to accomplish so much.
  • And getting them into office, getting Harry
  • Bronson to run for the first time.
  • I mean, I don't even think Harry was
  • thinking about running for office the day
  • I asked him to run.
  • I think it was Rick Dollinger's seat at the time,
  • that Rick stepped down.
  • Getting Harry to do that, reach out to people like Matt Haag.
  • These are some of the more current people.
  • But certainly over the years, getting people
  • to run for office, getting people
  • to take on leadership roles, whatever they may be, to me,
  • that provides me with a great degree of satisfaction
  • when I see them succeed.
  • Because to be honest with you, it can't be about one person.
  • It has to be about all of us.
  • and what we do together.
  • And if we can unite, we can accomplish anything.
  • And I really--
  • I absolutely believe that.
  • You know, I know there's people out there that really--
  • that like the limelight.
  • I'm probably not a person that likes the limelight.
  • But I do believe that you can still accomplish things
  • without having to be out in the public view of stuff.
  • There's so much you can get done.
  • There's so much you can make happen.
  • And to be honest with you, when I climb in bed at night
  • and put my head down on the pillow to go to sleep,
  • I can go to sleep so well, because I'm just satisfied.
  • Content.
  • It's contentment.
  • It's the contentment that I have.
  • That's why I think my coming out process was so positive.
  • You know, a lot of folks said to me,
  • you didn't let anybody be negative just
  • because you were so positive.
  • And it is.
  • I feel good about it.
  • I mean, it just--
  • when I really finally figured out who I was,
  • I felt great about it, and nobody
  • was going to make me feel bad.
  • It's just-- you know?
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Have you ever in your life
  • felt ashamed of being gay?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh.
  • No.
  • Absolutely not.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: What would you say to parents,
  • to a young man who was just in this process of discovery,
  • of exploration?
  • What would you say to him about being gay, about
  • your own experience?
  • TOM FERRARESE: Accepting it as part of who you are
  • allows you to move on.
  • It allows you then to take everything that was within you
  • and create a better world.
  • And that's-- the struggle is getting over that concept
  • of, there's something wrong about who I am.
  • I have to be honest.
  • One of the things that I think made it good
  • for me was from the very youngest
  • I was, my parents always taught me that, in fact, I
  • had a right to an opinion.
  • I had a right to--
  • you know, they said, you had to put value in it.
  • You had to understand it.
  • But certainly, my parents, you know, they never allowed--
  • I don't know.
  • They never allowed us to feel any sense of shame
  • about anything.
  • We were who we were.
  • And they struggled when I was young.
  • When I was about four years old, my parents lost my brother,
  • and it cost them a fortune, and they
  • didn't have a lot-- they had some insurance,
  • but my father, I think, spent twenty years paying off
  • that bill.
  • And yet, he worked five jobs.
  • Yet we never-- we always did things as a family.
  • We always did-- I mean, he found ways.
  • And I guess they taught me not to let people from--
  • anybody else make you--
  • if somebody else is telling you how you should feel,
  • tell them to go away and leave you alone,
  • because you need to be the one to do it.
  • And that's something, you know, I'll
  • treasure forever from them.
  • And they never worried-- they never
  • worried about the community.
  • I mean, back in the late '60s when the whole racial issues
  • were hot as can be in Charlotte and the--
  • what have you, I'll never forget.
  • I was in the final week of music theater class,
  • and we had a lot of black Boston kids to Charlotte High School.
  • Well, my mother had them over for dinner,
  • because she didn't want them to have to go home
  • and come back for dress rehearsal.
  • She had them and their parents over to dinner at our house.
  • I mean, if you ever went and talked
  • to Bob Sagan who does stuff with the Broadway Theatre League
  • today, he was the drama teacher at the time.
  • He just admires my mother because in Charlotte,
  • she wasn't afraid to--
  • I mean, and that's just the way they were,
  • and that's what I was brought up with.
  • So I was kind of--
  • I'm lucky because I was kind of given that concept of,
  • you know, if something is right, it's
  • right, and don't be afraid.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Mm-hmm.
  • So in the far future when people look back
  • and think about Tom Ferrarese, what do you want them to say?
  • TOM FERRARESE: That he made a difference in our community.
  • That he changed things.
  • That he changed them for the better.
  • And not just in LGBT issues, but that in fact,
  • I made the community better.
  • That I gave the community the opportunity
  • to have a voice about itself.
  • And that through that, we grew and succeeded.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: Thank you, Tom.
  • TOM FERRARESE: You're welcome.
  • Thank you.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: You have contributed
  • a tremendous amount, and I haven't
  • begun to touch the surface.
  • Because in an hour, it is not really possible to do that.
  • But I really did not know much about your involvement
  • with Fortunate Families until I started to do some research.
  • And then I put that with Gay Alliance and other--
  • and what you have really become for this community
  • is a champion for the underdog, a champion for the people
  • whose voices are not heard for whom you speak.
  • And that's the legacy of Rochester.
  • TOM FERRARESE: Oh.
  • Thank you.
  • Thank you.
  • EVELYN BAILEY: So thank you.
  • TOM FERRARESE: OK.