Audio Interview, Tom Ferrarese, September 19, 2013
- EVELYN BAILEY: Today is September 19,
- and I'm sitting in with Tom Ferrarese, Election
- Commissioner for the city of Rochester.
- TOM FERRARESE: No, the county.
- EVELYN BAILEY: County of Monroe.
- Sorry.
- TOM FERRARESE: County.
- Well, not just the city, but the county too.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And I'm here to talk to Tom
- about some of his earlier life before he
- got into public office.
- And then-- I mean not public office,
- but politics and involved in the Gay Alliance, and other things.
- Were you born in Rochester, Tom?
- TOM FERRARESE: Yes, actually, I was born in Rochester in 1950.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And whereabouts did you live?
- Did you live where you are now?
- TOM FERRARESE: Actually, when I was born,
- my parents lived on Locust Street,
- which is in the Northwest section of the city.
- And they ultimately, when I was about four,
- moved to Charlotte on Petten Street.
- And that's where my parents' house
- was until my mom passed away just about three years ago.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
- Were you-- when did you kind of come into an understanding
- or a realization that you were a gay man, or a gay--
- TOM FERRARESE: You know, a lot of signals
- occurred throughout my life growing up, particularly
- in my twenties.
- Certainly, the signals were there, but I'm an activist,
- and I'm very actively involved with things.
- And I think kind of in a way, through my activities--
- through my political activity and my activism,
- either in community groups, because I'm involved
- in community groups, theater groups, and politics--
- I kind of just buried the whole concept
- of what I was or wasn't in that.
- I mean, because I was actually married twice
- to two wonderful people.
- And actually, one of them is friends--
- I'm friends with to this very day.
- We're very close.
- But I kind of--
- I didn't ignore it completely, because I mean,
- I touched a lot of people, a lot of people
- within the LGBT community.
- As a matter of fact, Tim Mains' first bid for City Council,
- I wasn't out at that time.
- Actually, I just wasn't paying attention to it again
- at that time.
- But I was--
- I helped him to get the designation, actually.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
- Do you recall from your early time,
- were there organizations or resources
- available in this community for men such as yourself
- or for LGBT people?
- TOM FERRARESE: None that I knew of, OK?
- To be frank with you, my first exploring that element of me
- was in Washington, DC, because I would go down
- to Washington for a number of political things
- that I was involved in.
- And frankly, it was that where I had an opportunity
- kind of to go to a first bar, to kind of just go
- see what I was feeling in terms of how that all equated.
- Matter of fact, I mean, my first book I bought on LGBT issues
- was in a Washington bookstore, because I really just
- didn't have any sense of anything in Rochester
- that I could turn to.
- And it's kind of ironic, because like I said, I knew Tim,
- and I knew what he did and what have you,
- but you know, it's funny.
- It can be right in front of you, but you don't see resources
- necessarily.
- EVELYN BAILEY: If you're not looking
- and if you're in denial, then you don't see a lot.
- TOM FERRARESE: You don't see a lot.
- EVELYN BAILEY: What catapulted you into political activity?
- I mean, you were at Chase for many, many years, in banking?
- TOM FERRARESE: Twenty-five years with Chase.
- Yeah, exactly.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Were you involved in politics at that time?
- TOM FERRARESE: Yes.
- Actually, I got involved in politics
- probably in my mid teens.
- I was the-- high school, I was involved.
- I was head of the Student Council,
- I was president of the club.
- I did those kind of things in high school.
- And actually, ironically, Roger Robach reached out to me
- before I even was old enough to vote, asked me to get involved,
- and I got involved with him and then involved in the committee
- in the Northwest.
- EVELYN BAILEY: But at that time, Roger Robach was a Democrat.
- TOM FERRARESE: Roger-- Roger Robach.
- We're talking about the--
- EVELYN BAILEY: The father.
- TOM FERRARESE: We're talking about the father.
- And we're talking about before he was even
- elected to political office.
- EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
- TOM FERRARESE: We're talking a long time ago.
- EVELYN BAILEY: But he was a Democrat.
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
- Roger was a Democrat.
- He did democratic committee.
- He had me get involved in the democratic committee.
- It was the Old 27th Ward.
- We didn't even have LDs like we do today.
- It was called the Old 27th Ward, and it
- was Charlotte and Lower Maplewood
- that was the committee.
- And I was actually--
- I got involved in that committee.
- I turned eighteen and within a short period of time,
- I became the youth chair of the 27th Ward.
- I was involved with Larry Kirwan's takeover
- of the Democratic Party.
- So I had all that political activity.
- I was involved in the Charlotte Community Association, I was--
- EVELYN BAILEY: Who was mayor at the time?
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh, I think when I first got involved,
- it might have been Steve May who we know today.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Well, there's much--
- TOM FERRARESE: The Republicans controlled City Council
- at the time, so--
- EVELYN BAILEY: Who?
- TOM FERRARESE: The Republicans controlled
- City Council at the time.
- EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
- There was much-- there's much controversy about Stephen May
- and no actual proof--
- TOM FERRARESE: Proof or evidence, yeah.
- EVELYN BAILEY: --or evidence that he was gay.
- Was Midge Costanza?
- TOM FERRARESE: Midge-- actually, Midge came into City Council.
- Midge was involved at the time I first got involved,
- but then I moved away to Colorado for five years.
- My political involvement out there continued.
- Actually, I was Jimmy Carter's representative in the Crystal
- River Valley where I lived.
- I actually did his whole campaign
- in that Crystal River Valley.
- Meanwhile, Midge was coming into office here.
- I knew her from prior years, coming into office here.
- And then she went off to Washington
- when Carter took office.
- Well, then I came back to Rochester
- after actually she had left.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And Ryan--
- was Ryan mayor then?
- TOM FERRARESE: Ryan-- well, yes.
- But that was when Council picked the mayor.
- He wasn't directly elected.
- Because it wasn't until the '80s, 1980s, in fact,
- that we had a directly elected county executive
- and a directly elected mayor.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Now perhaps you can
- clarify some other controversy.
- It's my understanding that Midge became Vice Mayor on Council,
- but that the highest vote getter on Council
- usually became mayor.
- And rather than appoint a woman or choose a woman to be mayor,
- they created a vice mayorship.
- Now I have since heard that that whole, what I just said,
- was a figment of Midge Costanza's imagination,
- that she is the one who created the quote, unquote, "story"
- about that.
- Do you have any--
- TOM FERRARESE: I mean, I can't confirm or deny.
- I mean, I can go back and see.
- I mean, we can go back and research that period of time
- that she came in and see how that all unfolded.
- So we could get statistic-- we got data on that.
- I mean, as we're talking, I can point over to you.
- I have--
- EVELYN BAILEY: But was it the person
- who got the most votes who was then--
- TOM FERRARESE: You know what?
- It was kind of like--
- because understand.
- You had district council seats and you had at-large seats.
- There's five at-large seats.
- There's four district council seats.
- They don't run the same year.
- So sometimes, the mayor could be somebody
- who was a district council person,
- or it could be a person who was at large.
- And it wouldn't necessarily be--
- I mean, somebody could be in as mayor
- and stay in as mayor, even after an election
- where somebody else got more votes than anybody else,
- but that person wasn't up at that time.
- In other words, all the Council members
- don't run at the same time, so you can't really
- use that as a criteria for selecting mayor.
- EVELYN BAILEY: But at that time, Council chose the mayor.
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh yeah.
- Like I said, until early 1980--
- EVELYN BAILEY: 1980s.
- TOM FERRARESE: Till the early 1980s, Council chose the mayor.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And in that choosing--
- I mean, not choosing, but when the mayor became an elected
- position, did Ryan run again?
- Because he was mayor for--
- TOM FERRARESE: Forever.
- (Laughs)
- Forever.
- That's true.
- Yeah.
- Tom Ryan ran-- was the first person
- to run for the openly elected mayor.
- And he had served actually as the appointed
- mayor prior to that on Council.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And what was your involvement at that time?
- Were you at the 23rd LD, or were you--
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh, no.
- I was over on the Northwest side.
- I was involved in the Old--
- EVELYN BAILEY: 27th.
- TOM FERRARESE: Well, 27th--
- the 27th Ward had then become--
- the 23rd Ward became the 27th--
- I mean, understand, you can't compare wards and LDs.
- But yeah.
- That became the 27th LD before the 27th LD
- was shifted more south.
- And actually, I was the chair of that committee at the time,
- and I became the leader of it probably shortly thereafter.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And how long were you in that kind of position?
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh--
- EVELYN BAILEY: Or have you ever left it?
- TOM FERRARESE: Well, yes.
- No, I did.
- Because when I moved over--
- actually, I stayed as leader in the Northwest for a long time,
- until about twenty years ago when
- I moved over to the Southeast side of the city.
- And for even the first eight months
- I lived over the Southeast side, I'd
- been leader of the Northwest.
- And because they were in transition
- and leaders usually aren't elected until September,
- I moved probably in March, I think, over
- to the Southeast side.
- They asked me to stay on as leader over there,
- because I was still in--
- I was still in the assembly district
- where I could sit in a seat on the Northeast,
- because you have to be in the right assembly district.
- And so I stayed as leader over there for eight months
- after I left.
- Then I became the secretary of the 23rd LD committee
- finally at the--
- when new leaders were elected in September.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Mm-hmm.
- Can you recall when the first time
- was that any issue regarding the LGBT community
- became quote, unquote--
- I'll call it a "legislative item," because I'm not--
- I'm not familiar with the terminology.
- But came to the forefront in order
- for action, some legislative action, to be taken?
- Was it domestic partnership, or was it housing?
- TOM FERRARESE: Well, I think the first thing
- that the Council dealt with was in--
- I think this was making sure that there
- was non discrimination policies in the city.
- Contractual arrangements.
- I think that's where they began their process, I think.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And then affirmative action?
- TOM FERRARESE: We had affirmative action,
- that kind stuff.
- Yeah.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And if I'm not mistaken, there was--
- whenever LGBT issues came before City Council,
- there were outcries by other groups
- that were not supportive?
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
- I mean, you had the traditionally more conservative
- people out there at the time.
- I'm trying to remember his name.
- Michael--
- EVELYN BAILEY: Macaluso?
- TOM FERRARESE: Macaluso.
- I mean, he was a big--
- and you know, but he was also--
- Michael was also opposed to any number
- of things that kind of suggested that we have a more
- progressive society.
- He kind of-- he kind of--
- he was against everything that led us into that direction.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
- Your work with Fortunate Families, was that early on?
- TOM FERRARESE: Actually, I'm a founding member
- of Fortunate Families.
- With Casey and Marilyn, I'm on the incorporation papers
- to help form Fortunate Families.
- Prior to that, CGLFM, which was the Bishop Matthew Clark
- had asked a group to be formed, and CGLFM had formed--
- Catholic Lesbian and Gay Family Ministries--
- within the church.
- And Casey and Marilyn worked within that group
- for a long time.
- I didn't do a lot of work with them, but at the time,
- I was involved with the National Association
- of Catholic Diocesan and Lesbian Gay Ministries.
- Actually, I was the treasurer, and then I
- became the president of that national organization.
- I was involved with them for about ten, eleven years.
- And that was from the late '80s.
- And I served on that board and in those positions.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And it was Bishop--
- it wasn't Bishop Clark.
- TOM FERRARESE: Bishop Matthew Clark has been the--
- EVELYN BAILEY: Was then the bishop--
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh, yeah.
- He was the bishop for a long time.
- EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
- How did you square that with the church?
- TOM FERRARESE: To be honest with you,
- most people don't understand.
- There's one thing that's above everything else in the church,
- and that is primacy of conscience.
- And primacy of conscience is a very--
- it's interesting.
- It's a very explicit situation whereby
- which you need within your conscience to resolve issues.
- And your conscience above everything else in the church
- stands.
- Even Ratzinger, the Pope Benedict,
- even Ratzinger himself wrote extensively on that,
- and he even wrote extensively on that, that in fact, that
- was above everything else.
- The other thing is that it's amazing
- the aura that the right, ultra right has created.
- But even many biblical scholars will talk about the Bible
- in terms of how it's written and what the Bible really
- means in various situations.
- You know, if you just dig a little bit deeper and you
- just-- you realize that you're taking
- a church that has been pointed in one direction for so long.
- And it's like trying to take a huge steamliner and turn it,
- and that is just an incredibly slow process.
- Is it frustrating at times?
- Have I walked away from it for a couple of years here and there?
- Yes, because you just get so frustrated with what
- you're dealing with that it just-- it seems impossible.
- But certainly, unless we continue
- that struggle within the church, we will never change it.
- And we are seeing change.
- I mean, I sit on the Fortunate Families board today still,
- and we're seeing, you know, definitely a lot of movement.
- It's funny.
- We've looked at the statistical data in terms of people
- that support marriage equality.
- And if you take a subset after surveying the general public
- on who supports marriage equality,
- if you take a subset of that of just Catholics,
- their percentage of support is actually
- higher than the general public.
- They actually-- more Catholics support marriage equality
- than the percentage of those that support-- every time they
- take a survey, if you pull that subset out,
- Catholics tend to support marriage equality more
- than the public at general.
- Which is really interesting.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Can you give me a perspective
- on what you feel the impact of Fortunate Families
- as an organization, as a group has
- had on men and women who need the services
- of that organization?
- TOM FERRARESE: Well, and it's interesting you
- ask that question, because Fortunate Families is really
- about the parents and brothers and sisters.
- It's about the families of LGBT people.
- And the objective of Fortunate Families
- is to make sure that those people understand and support.
- And that's the effect that we have on gay men and lesbians
- and even transgender-- folks coming out and having
- to deal with those issues.
- Fortunate Families is there to support them
- with their families in that process.
- What's interesting is when we first
- started Fortunate Families, we were
- dealing with parents who were just absolutely distraught.
- How do I reconcile the church against, you know, against--
- and I love my-- my love for my son or my daughter
- is just absolutely unqualified.
- And how do I reconcile that with the teachings of the church?
- Well, we were able to step in and pretty much
- begin to really change that.
- And so we were dealing with a lot of parents or brothers
- and sisters or aunts, uncles, whatever
- it was who were really--
- they needed just-- they really needed support.
- And in reality, let's face it.
- Most people, by the time they come out,
- they've been through a process and been
- able to reconcile it themselves.
- And then they go, and they come out to their parents,
- and they go, well, but you've instantly got to be where I am.
- Well, you know, come on.
- You had a while to get there.
- Give them a while to get there.
- But I think we've helped accelerate
- that kind of thing by what we were doing and the people we're
- reaching out to and parent gatherings, and what have you.
- What's interesting is that the parents now
- that we're dealing with have changed,
- and they're not so much struggling
- with their kids coming out as much as they're
- wanting to know how they can affect change
- within the church.
- So the resources we're having to provide
- have begun to change in a lot of ways.
- Or maybe the presentation of those resources.
- Because in a lot of ways, it's just turning around and saying,
- OK, well, you know, when you get in an argument like this,
- here's the corresponding argument that says,
- wait a minute.
- That's not necessarily true.
- Biblical scholars, scholars within the church
- are all saying these kinds of things versus this person
- over here's saying this.
- But we really-- we're a resource and we provide
- those kind of resources.
- This year, for example, we've done four parent gatherings
- across the country.
- We've already done two of them, one in Pleasanton, California,
- one in Cincinnati.
- We've got a couple more going down.
- One in Florida.
- And again, we really discovered that there
- is a whole new activism within the parents.
- The parents are coming to us now activists.
- They want to change things.
- It really is-- it's really encouraging.
- I mean, that's part of how we measure
- the change of the church.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And it's kind of maybe
- not coincidental that the current leader
- of the church, Pope Francis, has given a window
- to LGBT men and women.
- And thereby, also given a window to their parents
- and to their friends and allies.
- Because previous pope certainly was not
- open to even talking about the heart, soul,
- and faith of a homosexual.
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
- I don't know.
- It's interesting watching him.
- And there's a lot of things, not just this thing that occurred.
- But what it appears to be--
- and this is where you've got kind of sort
- out how he's going to come down on LGBT issues--
- but what we know or seem to know about him that is a fact,
- and that is that he does not support
- oppression or discrimination that is unfounded.
- And that kind of then ticks the next step
- where he is willing to stand back and talk about issues
- that other popes weren't willing to talk about,
- because he really believes that that's the only way
- to understand.
- And it's interesting, because the National Association
- of Catholic Diocesan of Lesbian and Gay Ministries,
- which is now Catholic-- it's CALGM,
- Catholic Association of Lesbian and Gay Ministries I think it
- now is called--
- their mission statement at one point included--
- part of it was to reflect on the lives
- of LGBT people and their families,
- to understand the Catholic church needs-- that
- was part of the step.
- Yes, you deal with scripture, but you deal with scripture
- in a number of ways.
- Yes, you deal with issues in the church,
- but this was an important part of it is to reflect on that.
- And I think what Francis, Pope Francis is doing at this point
- is raising that issue, that we need to look
- at things without judgment.
- And that's really--
- I mean, he hasn't made any proclamations about changing
- the church's teaching or everything else,
- but he has opened the door, as you said, because he basically
- has made it clear that he's going
- to be willing to talk about these things,
- to try to understand them.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Your involvement in Fortunate Families
- preceded your involvement in the Gay Alliance.
- Or was--
- TOM FERRARESE: No, actually-- actually,
- my first involvement with the Gay Alliance
- initially was before Fortunate Families came into being.
- And-- gosh, try to figure out all the years that I--
- you know, you begin to calculate back, and I can't--
- I can't--
- EVELYN BAILEY: You're not that old, Tom.
- TOM FERRARESE: Um--
- OK, thank you.
- (Laughter)
- No.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Fortunate Families came into existence
- in the '80s.
- TOM FERRARESE: Yes.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And your involvement
- at the Gay Alliance--
- TOM FERRARESE: Well, they came into existence
- in the late '80s.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Late '80s.
- TOM FERRARESE: Actually, I think we were incorporated in '92.
- EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
- TOM FERRARESE: It was CGLFM, which I was not involved in,
- which existed in the--
- I think it was '86, '87.
- There was the '88, '89 mass at the church-- was it '88?
- EVELYN BAILEY: Yes.
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
- Which I was involved in.
- Actually, I was-- that morning, met
- with the bishop relative to that before the mass.
- And so that kind of all was there.
- But I came out in '82, I believe it was,
- which was when I was forty-two.
- And I immediately got involved in the political caucus out
- of the Alliance, which was actively involved in that
- to begin with, and eventually was
- pulled onto the board of the Gay Alliance.
- And I was there when we did the first round of grants
- from through ESPA, when that whole thing was first set up.
- I was there to help pull that stuff through and get
- that money started coming into the Gay Alliance.
- EVELYN BAILEY: The youth--
- TOM FERRARESE: The youth program.
- Yeah.
- So I mean, that's where I came in,
- and that's kind of the contribution.
- My first contribution to the Alliance
- was to work through that--
- I've always kind of been the funding person.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And was Ryan still mayor?
- TOM FERRARESE: Ryan was still mayor, yes.
- EVELYN BAILEY: OK.
- Were you involved in the tax exempt battle with the city?
- TOM FERRARESE: I was not involved in that at all.
- I kind of--
- EVELYN BAILEY: So in the beginning,
- because you've been involved in the Alliance two or three
- times.
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
- EVELYN BAILEY: But in the early '80s,
- it would have been the beginning of the AIDS crisis
- and the beginning of HPA and the beginning of AIDS Rochester.
- Can you give a sense of what the community was struggling
- with and like at that point?
- TOM FERRARESE: I mean, from my perspective--
- and probably my perspective is as much political
- as a person just coming out.
- But my perspective was trying to get the community--
- I don't want to say just government, but the community
- to recognize the crisis.
- They were struggling themselves to recognize the crisis,
- because in a lot of ways, people--
- you don't want the bad news.
- And that's the big issue.
- You know, you try and struggle within the community,
- but then it's the bigger thing, the broader community
- and government to recognize that this is a major health crisis.
- And I think if anything, watching government struggle
- with that and being part of the political process,
- in terms of that, being an activist myself,
- I mean, I actually--
- I supported a number of what were considered to be
- probably the more radical--
- ACT UP, and stuff like that.
- I really believed that, you know, what they were doing
- was the only way that they were going
- to get government to move.
- And so I mean, I've always been--
- it's interesting.
- I'm probably an incredibly social liberal, extreme liberal
- socially.
- But when you come around to the moneys is when I--
- probably my more moderate position comes into play.
- So it's kind of funny in that sense.
- And that might have been some of the stuff that
- pulled me in more and more in terms of that.
- Again Tim's running for office was definitely
- a stepping off point for me, because I
- had been involved from his first bid for City Council.
- As I said to you, I was a leader in the Northwest.
- And at that time, there was a lot
- of political pressure for somebody
- who was running opposite him, Josephine Genovese
- to get the designation.
- And the Northwest committee was considered--
- Tim would get no votes up there.
- Well, I had a lot of support in the committee,
- and was able to get him actually within a few votes of winning
- the committee.
- Which, for the rest of the city committees, was a win.
- So Tim had actually, as far as they were concerned,
- even though he hadn't won it, but he
- came within two votes of beating Josephine Genovese, which
- was huge in the Northwest.
- And that kind of--
- we had plotted that out.
- I mean, we talked about it.
- He understood what I was doing.
- I was able to-- at the time, Roger was a strong supporter,
- Roger Robach was a strong supporter of Josephine,
- and had asked me, you know, can't we
- get the committee to go for Josephine?
- And I said, "Roger, we're going to probably-- we can probably
- get the committee to go for it, but Tim's going to get votes."
- And he said, "Well, as long as the committee--"
- it's funny, because Roger didn't seem to care
- that Tim did as well as he did.
- And I think Roger understood the politics of that,
- which is really interesting.
- It always intrigued me and left me a little bit surprised.
- But he seemed to accept that.
- And when we announced the vote, as far as I'm concerned,
- the Mains campaign was absolutely thrilled,
- because they had--
- that was as close to a victory as they could possibly get.
- It certainly was a signal.
- And I think that that helped get Tim's campaign-- because we
- were the first committee.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Right.
- TOM FERRARESE: But that's when I got active in politics.
- Then I got involved and managed Tim's campaign.
- And I actually was managing parts of Tim's campaign
- before I came out, because I really
- believed in what he was doing.
- I believed in the cause.
- And I'm certainly sure that's kind
- of what pulled me finally over that line that said, well,
- wake up.
- You know?
- Here you are.
- And I don't know when the moment was,
- but I finally did get to a point where I decided
- I had to take some action.
- And so my logic was to explore that side of me.
- Unfortunately, my poor wife--
- I was married at the time.
- But I just decided to try to meet more people
- and talk to more people within the community.
- And so something I hadn't done before, I
- started attending Tim's fundraisers
- that were LGBT-specific.
- And to be honest with you, that's
- where I met my husband, Bill.
- And I don't know, but he just--
- it's that concept of love at first sight.
- There was something about him that I'd never felt before.
- Never in my life had felt before.
- And actually, within four weeks of meeting Bill
- I told my wife that I was gay.
- I actually had a conversation-- this is how comfortable I
- felt in the church.
- Father Mol at Sacred Heart, the pastor at Sacred Heart,
- I had a conversation with him at the time.
- And my wife asked if we could go through one more
- Christmas with my family, which I knew meant a lot to her,
- and she's a wonderful woman to this day.
- I love her immensely.
- Certainly it was something I could do.
- But at that point, Bill and I had started seeing each other
- pretty regularly.
- And as soon as Christmas was over with, we closed up house,
- and I moved in with Bill, and I've been with him
- for now over twenty years.
- So that's the irony of it.
- The concept is the first person you meet--
- Bill wasn't exactly the first gay person I met,
- but he certainly was the person that
- absolutely stoled my heart.
- Absolutely stole it.
- I can't-- and to this day, I just--
- that's-- you know?
- EVELYN BAILEY: Well, your life as I
- have observed it has been one of tremendous compassion.
- There's no doubt in my mind you and Bill
- were meant to be together.
- And you have lived your life with integrity,
- and also with a sense of what is right needs to happen.
- And--
- TOM FERRARESE: But that's my political.
- I mean, that's my political drive.
- I mean, I'll never forget when Pam Barres came to me at one
- point and said, "I'm really having trouble
- at the polling place, because I'm
- in the middle of transition."
- And a male name was attached to her voter registration,
- and she was in the midst of transition.
- So when she went to the polling place,
- I guess there was some concern of where
- she would be at at that point.
- And I mean, this commission board elections, I can do--
- and I said, we're going to change your registration.
- We're going to use your first initial and your last name,
- and that's it.
- Then there'll be no perception about your gender
- at all at the polling place.
- And that changed everything for her.
- And those are the kind of things that we
- need to look at and figure out how to do.
- And I think that that's--
- that's absolutely right.
- But I've never just limited myself to those kind of issues.
- I do-- for example, we're working on a program
- to get people who are coming out of jail
- or who are not felons registered,
- because they don't think they can be.
- This is right.
- This is the thing we should be doing.
- And I think--
- I do think that LGBT people, I really
- do believe that we understand the struggles that people
- sometimes have with government or with issues
- around what the community believes versus what is right.
- I think we understand those sometimes better
- because of the things that we've had to deal with.
- I can't say myself that I've personally
- been persecuted in any way.
- I mean, you know, I know a lot of people have struggles.
- I mean, when I came out, my parents were incredible.
- I mean, I told my parents, and my father kind of went, "Oh.
- Well, things have been strange for, gosh, five or six months."
- He goes, "So this was it?"
- And I'm going, "Yeah."
- "Well, does this mean now that you'll come back
- and we can go out for a beer every couple of weeks
- like we used to?
- Because we kind of let that drop off."
- And I said, "Sure."
- That was my father's response.
- So I have wonderful parents.
- I've had a love of my life.
- I've been so fortunate.
- I've been so fortunate in the things
- that I-- so I can't say I've suffered
- any of the persecutions that other people have.
- But that doesn't mean I don't have the heart for them,
- and I don't have the understanding
- and the willingness.
- I mean, I can get very emotional with a story that
- just really breaks my heart.
- My reason for getting back into Fortunate Families
- has to do with the loss of a young person who
- took their life because they had no place to turn.
- And it's funny, because I had kind of gotten out
- of-- done my training.
- Of course, I've forgot it now.
- And actually, this was right after I
- had finished my second stint with the Gay Alliance.
- But a young person took their life.
- And it just happened to be two weeks later.
- Marilyn called me.
- "Can you get back on the board?"
- And I'm going, "If you promise me one thing.
- We'll really try to figure out a way, through social media
- or whatever it is, to begin to let people know
- they need us before they need--
- before they know they need us, because that's the only way
- we can help these kids who have still no place to turn."
- And this was only three or four years ago.
- And so the issue hasn't gone away.
- The issue is as difficult and as pertinent
- today as it was twenty years ago.
- I mean, people want to say, well, you know,
- the gay issue is over with.
- It isn't.
- It isn't.
- There's kids struggling today.
- And the fact that we've got to understand this.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Over and over again,
- the coming out process almost requires
- not only pain and fear, but also tremendous risk and sacrifice
- to not only the person coming out, but those who are--
- surround him.
- TOM FERRARESE: Surround them, yes.
- EVELYN BAILEY: There has been certainly an increase, not
- maybe in this last year, but in previous years in LGBT
- suicides for one reason or another
- on college campuses across the country.
- One is too many.
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah.
- Oh.
- EVELYN BAILEY: But you see, that's
- what has always, always impressed me
- about you as a person.
- You not only have the political acumen and the intellect,
- but you have the heart.
- Many people go one way or the other,
- and the blend doesn't come together and create
- a new way of being, a new way of looking at,
- a new way of dealing with voter registration
- that can not only improve the Democratic Party
- or the political process--
- TOM FERRARESE: Everybody.
- EVELYN BAILEY: --but gives people the rights they have
- and secures those rights.
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah, well, it's tough.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Yes.
- So was Tim's campaign where you met Sue Cowell?
- TOM FERRARESE: Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yep.
- Yep.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And in maybe one, two sentences, how significant
- was Tim running as an openly gay candidate?
- How significant was that to gay liberation, to advancing
- our political agenda?
- TOM FERRARESE: I think it was huge.
- I don't think--
- I don't think anybody can even begin
- to measure the impact it had in the broader sense.
- I don't think Tim can.
- I don't think that people can find all the elements of it
- that were so significant in terms of what it touched.
- It just did.
- It was huge.
- EVELYN BAILEY: And Sue Cowell at the time
- was his campaign manager, but she was also
- involved in the Gay Alliance, and she was also
- involved-- was she in community health at that point?
- TOM FERRARESE: I think she was.
- It's interesting, because Sue really
- has a political background too, because she
- was involved in quite a bit of politics
- at that time besides that.
- You know, it's kind of like--
- there are people like Sue-- and I don't think, again--
- Sue's another person I don't think the community realizes
- the impact she's had on this community
- and in the broader community, New York State even.
- Sue is one of those people where she doesn't toot her horn as
- much as she could, but if you were to really sit
- down and look at the things that she's touched
- and the waves that she's created and where those waves have
- gone, I so respect Sue.
- She to me is one of the--
- along with Tim is one of the two people
- who have just done more than anybody else.
- A lot of people have done a lot of things.
- I don't want to take away from anybody else at all.
- But I don't think--
- I don't think can even begin to measure between the two of them
- the impact that they've had, not only in Monroe County
- or in the Genesee Valley, but in New York State in general.
- Both of them have had significant impact
- in the things that have happened.
- And I just--
- I think it's immeasurable.
- But I love working with Sue, because Sue is just so--
- so easy to work with, and just really to me
- right-minded about everything.
- EVELYN BAILEY: A couple more questions, and I know you're--
- the time.
- But in terms of Rochester, what do you
- see as the next place or accomplishment
- the LGBT community needs to make or needs to have?
- TOM FERRARESE: I think there's two things.
- And I know the Alliance focuses on the two things
- that I think are really important.
- And those are not abandoning our youth
- because we think things are over.
- If anything, we've got to up the ante
- there in making sure that the youth have an entry point
- and that we're there to help them through that.
- I think the new thing that has come
- into the focus in the last few years
- is seniors, because all of us are suddenly
- getting a little bit older.
- OK, I won't say old, but we're getting a little bit older.
- And I think trying to address the issues of how
- we're going to go into aging.
- Because suddenly, there's going to be--
- we're going to be out and, in essence,
- have to deal with being out and aging.
- In the past, very often, aging people were in the closet,
- and people didn't even know.
- And they kind of aged wherever, however.
- I think the gay community is going
- to have to have an impact on how it-- and it's going to have
- to take care of its own.
- It's going to have to be out there advocating
- for our needs and our health needs and housing needs,
- and all that kind of stuff.
- It doesn't mean by any means that we can't fit in,
- because I think we do within any community as part
- of those communities.
- Senior communities.
- You know, you look at places like, I guess,
- St. John's Meadows or something.
- I think gay people, LGBT people fit in to those areas--
- can very well.
- But I think that in a lot of ways,
- health care is a big issue we have to pay attention to.
- And we really have to be there as advocates
- for making sure this happens.
- Because otherwise, in the back of my mind,
- I can see the person who is by themselves, alone,
- and with nobody to care for them or to care about them.
- You know, slipping away into a horrible nursing home
- life or something, buried someplace in the system.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Would you say those same issues exist kind
- on a state level?
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
- No, I think this is--
- yeah, actually, I think state level and national level,
- I think this is.
- But you know, all politics is local.
- I hate to use politicals.
- But I think very often, if we can start the process here,
- you know, it does grow.
- I think that's what Tim and Sue did.
- The process started here.
- I think they had an effect in the state.
- I think the state has an effect countrywide.
- So let's face it.
- With the passage of marriage equality in New York,
- suddenly several other states started
- thinking it was alright to do.
- So I think all politics is local.
- And if you can start it here, then in fact,
- we can grow that beyond.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Will GENDA pass soon?
- TOM FERRARESE: I hope so.
- (Sigh)
- The legislature is such a strange--
- state legislature's such a strange--
- EVELYN BAILEY: Animal.
- TOM FERRARESE: It is.
- You know, trying to understand the Senate
- and the various things that they're doing, I don't know.
- It just-- it really is hard to understand.
- We have a lot of political things in the elections field
- that just-- the Senate is grappling with,
- and we can't seem to get--
- that people would say, well, but that should happen.
- I mean, the whole issue about when we hold the primary.
- We've been trying to move the primary back to June,
- because federal elections require
- more notice that ballots go out to service members and what.
- It's a simple thing, but it's a real struggle in their mind
- to get around it and deal with.
- And so you know, it's like, when I
- look at issues trying to get through the legislature,
- I look at a lot of issues struggling
- to get through the legislature, not just our issues.
- And so trying to figure out how to get
- a lot of those things accomplished
- is really difficult. But certainly,
- we support and continue to push for those things.
- EVELYN BAILEY: When you look back,
- what are you most proud of?
- TOM FERRARESE: Probably the thing that I feel best about
- is that when I've been asked to step up and do something
- to help something, to create something, to lead something,
- to what have you, I don't think I've generally ever said no.
- And maybe that's the thing that I can age with and say,
- you know, when asked, I did what just about anybody ever
- asked me to do relative to leading or just supporting
- whatever the role was.
- Any of the issues, particularly within the LGBT community.
- I mean, when Tim asked me to be his campaign manager before I
- came out, I suspect he had a better knowledge
- that I was gay than I did.
- But I stepped up because I believed in the issue.
- And I have done that all my life.
- I was doing that at sixteen, seventeen years old, you know?
- I think at eighteen, I was, as I said, on the committee.
- I was treasurer of the local community
- association where I lived.
- It's about who I am and about what I believe in.
- And I just-- that's the thing I feel best about maybe.
- EVELYN BAILEY: In terms of public image,
- certainly being commissioner of elections
- has put you into a more public arena.
- But again-- and this is my impression over the years
- that I've known you.
- You are a behind-the-scenes person.
- And as such, the recognition or the appreciation
- or the gratitude that other people get because they're out
- in front of the crowd doesn't come to you,
- because you're behind the scenes.
- And I'm not saying that for a response.
- I'm saying that as it being my impression.
- There is no one that I know of in this community who
- doesn't know who you are.
- And in the political arena, you have a tremendous amount
- of influence and power.
- You use it in, quote, unquote, "right" ways, because you're
- that kind of man.
- You're that kind of person.
- But the recognition and the appreciation--
- I mean, if anything goes wrong with any voting
- machine anywhere--
- (Laughter)
- --who do they point their finger at?
- TOM FERRARESE: Yeah, well--
- EVELYN BAILEY: Tom Ferrarese didn't do it right.
- But I think that role has provided you with a tremendous
- amount of satisfaction and a tremendous amount of just
- thankfulness for your ability to know, work with,
- and orchestrate many things that people don't--
- and aren't even aware were orchestrated or done.
- TOM FERRARESE: There is so many good people, though, out
- there who by our support have been
- able to accomplish so much.
- And getting them into office, getting Harry
- Bronson to run for the first time.
- I mean, I don't even think Harry was
- thinking about running for office the day
- I asked him to run.
- I think it was Rick Dollinger's seat at the time,
- that Rick stepped down.
- Getting Harry to do that, reach out to people like Matt Haag.
- These are some of the more current people.
- But certainly over the years, getting people
- to run for office, getting people
- to take on leadership roles, whatever they may be, to me,
- that provides me with a great degree of satisfaction
- when I see them succeed.
- Because to be honest with you, it can't be about one person.
- It has to be about all of us.
- and what we do together.
- And if we can unite, we can accomplish anything.
- And I really--
- I absolutely believe that.
- You know, I know there's people out there that really--
- that like the limelight.
- I'm probably not a person that likes the limelight.
- But I do believe that you can still accomplish things
- without having to be out in the public view of stuff.
- There's so much you can get done.
- There's so much you can make happen.
- And to be honest with you, when I climb in bed at night
- and put my head down on the pillow to go to sleep,
- I can go to sleep so well, because I'm just satisfied.
- Content.
- It's contentment.
- It's the contentment that I have.
- That's why I think my coming out process was so positive.
- You know, a lot of folks said to me,
- you didn't let anybody be negative just
- because you were so positive.
- And it is.
- I feel good about it.
- I mean, it just--
- when I really finally figured out who I was,
- I felt great about it, and nobody
- was going to make me feel bad.
- It's just-- you know?
- EVELYN BAILEY: Have you ever in your life
- felt ashamed of being gay?
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh.
- No.
- Absolutely not.
- EVELYN BAILEY: What would you say to parents,
- to a young man who was just in this process of discovery,
- of exploration?
- What would you say to him about being gay, about
- your own experience?
- TOM FERRARESE: Accepting it as part of who you are
- allows you to move on.
- It allows you then to take everything that was within you
- and create a better world.
- And that's-- the struggle is getting over that concept
- of, there's something wrong about who I am.
- I have to be honest.
- One of the things that I think made it good
- for me was from the very youngest
- I was, my parents always taught me that, in fact, I
- had a right to an opinion.
- I had a right to--
- you know, they said, you had to put value in it.
- You had to understand it.
- But certainly, my parents, you know, they never allowed--
- I don't know.
- They never allowed us to feel any sense of shame
- about anything.
- We were who we were.
- And they struggled when I was young.
- When I was about four years old, my parents lost my brother,
- and it cost them a fortune, and they
- didn't have a lot-- they had some insurance,
- but my father, I think, spent twenty years paying off
- that bill.
- And yet, he worked five jobs.
- Yet we never-- we always did things as a family.
- We always did-- I mean, he found ways.
- And I guess they taught me not to let people from--
- anybody else make you--
- if somebody else is telling you how you should feel,
- tell them to go away and leave you alone,
- because you need to be the one to do it.
- And that's something, you know, I'll
- treasure forever from them.
- And they never worried-- they never
- worried about the community.
- I mean, back in the late '60s when the whole racial issues
- were hot as can be in Charlotte and the--
- what have you, I'll never forget.
- I was in the final week of music theater class,
- and we had a lot of black Boston kids to Charlotte High School.
- Well, my mother had them over for dinner,
- because she didn't want them to have to go home
- and come back for dress rehearsal.
- She had them and their parents over to dinner at our house.
- I mean, if you ever went and talked
- to Bob Sagan who does stuff with the Broadway Theatre League
- today, he was the drama teacher at the time.
- He just admires my mother because in Charlotte,
- she wasn't afraid to--
- I mean, and that's just the way they were,
- and that's what I was brought up with.
- So I was kind of--
- I'm lucky because I was kind of given that concept of,
- you know, if something is right, it's
- right, and don't be afraid.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Mm-hmm.
- So in the far future when people look back
- and think about Tom Ferrarese, what do you want them to say?
- TOM FERRARESE: That he made a difference in our community.
- That he changed things.
- That he changed them for the better.
- And not just in LGBT issues, but that in fact,
- I made the community better.
- That I gave the community the opportunity
- to have a voice about itself.
- And that through that, we grew and succeeded.
- EVELYN BAILEY: Thank you, Tom.
- TOM FERRARESE: You're welcome.
- Thank you.
- EVELYN BAILEY: You have contributed
- a tremendous amount, and I haven't
- begun to touch the surface.
- Because in an hour, it is not really possible to do that.
- But I really did not know much about your involvement
- with Fortunate Families until I started to do some research.
- And then I put that with Gay Alliance and other--
- and what you have really become for this community
- is a champion for the underdog, a champion for the people
- whose voices are not heard for whom you speak.
- And that's the legacy of Rochester.
- TOM FERRARESE: Oh.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- EVELYN BAILEY: So thank you.
- TOM FERRARESE: OK.